Rakhi and Ramdev: On sexy gurus and their babes

It’s been a long, hard summer for Baba Ramdev. First, the police lathi-charged him out of Ram Lila Maidan, his aide went missing soon after, and then he was shut out of this summer’s biggest blockbuster: the Anna Hazare fast. But nothing must have prepared him for the latest blow of fate: the fawning attentions of India’s favourite item girl, Rakhi Sawant. No amount of kapaal bharatis and surya namaskars could have prepared him for this latest peril. Poor Ramdev has been trying to re-invent himself and appeal to affections of the masses and classes alike, by fasting here and appearing on a children’s TV show there. But all everyone is talking about is his unwanted, over-eager suitor. Sawant has pulled out all the stops in her faux pursuit of the suddenly bashful Ramdev, giving quotes that would make any Baba blush: “I challenge Swami Ramdev to come to the Bigg Boss house with me! Main Menaka ban kar unki tapasya bhang kar doongi. I’m sure he will lose his virginity when he comes face-to-face with my adaayein.”   [caption id=“attachment_88217” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“I’m sure he will lose his virginity when he comes face-to-face with my adaayein, says Rakhi Sawant who wants to seduce Baba Ramdev. AFP”]  [/caption] Women have long been fascinated by priests and spiritual leaders. We too yearned as young girls for our very own Father Ralph de Briccasart after reading The Thornbirds. Oh, to be the one who will break down the will of a man of the cloth – or in this case, the men of saffron. Their long, tousled hair, mesmeric eyes, and Jesus-like appearance seem to act like Viagra for the feminine, and sometimes masculine, soul. The first modern sexy guru was Mahesh Yogi who managed to weave a spell around the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Marianne Faithful and others. The Beatles love affair ended when he was accused of making sexual advances on Mia Farrow. As our many gurus have learnt – including the infamous Premananda – there’s a thin line between sex god and sex criminal. According to rumours swirling around at the time, even Indira Gandhi was supposed to have given into the charms of her yoga teacher, Dhirendra Brahmachari. Known throughout India as the Flying Swami, he moved beyond just stretching her mind and body, gossips claim, to becoming her de facto confidante and advisor. But no one can compare with the one and only Osho. Rajneesh took the seductive charm and command of the sexy spiritual leader to a new height. With his flowing robes, dulcet tones and lustrous locks, he had the ladies swaying to more than just his tune. Free love, uninhibited sex, naked meditation. Osho was the man who famously claimed “sex is fun, materialism is good and Jesus was a madman.” He rocked not just India but the entire world with his unique philosophy – including the gorgeous Parveen Babi. To his credit, Baba Ramdev is no Nithyananda whose career crashed and burned after the release of a sex tape – which allegedly featured Tamil actress Ranjitha. That he looks more like Gollum than Osho in appearance makes most of us suspect that Sawant’s overtures are a bit suspect. She is certainly not a besotted fan, how much ever she pretends otherwise. It sounds like love, but it is more likely revenge against the holy man for calling item girls ‘characterless’ and slamming her show Rakhi Ka Insaaf. After all, this is the woman who said of Ramdev’s fast: “Wo apne bhakton ka najayaz fayda utha rahe hain, unhe bhi anshan par baitha kar. Khud akele kar ke dikhaen. Law can’t be changed through hunger strikes. Karna hai to cancer aur AIDS ka ilaaj nikale.” For all her protestations, she’s clearly set her mind on single-handedly destroying the Baba’s public image. And three cheers to her, I say. Sawant should get an award for single-handedly managing what the government hasn’t been able to do: ruin Ramdev’s carefully cultivated image. As for Ramdev, he should stop complaining and learn a lesson or two from the true mistress of resilience and free publicity. Rajyasree Sen is a restaurateur, TV connoisseur and unsolicited opinion-giver. You can read about her adventures with food and life in Delhi on her blog or follow her at @rajyasree