Anna versus the Empire: Our own desi Star Wars

By Rajyasree Sen The Anna protests are finally over, and they seem to have played out like our very own desi version of Star Wars: A New Hope. The protests didn’t take place in a galaxy far far away though, but in a maidan in my home state. And much like the Star Wars series, the dark forces were overthrown by our Jedi warriors – Arvind Hans Solo Kejriwal, Manish Skywalker Sisodia and Kiran Leia Bedi. That Kejriwal, much like Han Solo, got frozen out of the final negotiations with the Empire, was only life imitating art. All the manouvering and politicking by the Jedi trio and their brethren of course took place under the guidance of the all-knowing Yoda Hazare. Much like Yoda, Hazare spoke in Yoda speak, with the same phrases repeated over and over again till his Jedi warriors carried out his mission. Of course Yoda taught his Jedi disciples while sitting in a swamp, and Hazare did so while sitting in a maidan. But it was starting to look like a swamp over each successive day of the fast. Much like the Star Wars films, the Anna protests have had a range of characters – some memorable and endearing like the Ewoks and R2D2 and Chewy, and some utterly infuriating ones like Jar Jar Binks. So who were the most memorable of the Jedi warriors and the Empire? [caption id=“attachment_71882” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“Much like Yoda, Hazare spoke in Yoda speak, with the same phrases repeated over and over again till his Jedi warriors carried out his mission. Reuters”]  [/caption]The Dark Jedis, not yet one with the Sith, Varun Gandhi and Sushma Swaraj surprised everyone with their calm and composure and rational arguments during the parliamentary debate. Nobody expected it of either of them, and they both managed to pull out the carpet from under the feet of the Sith with their hitherto unseen oratorial skills and pragmatism. And Varun won many brownie points for successfully accomplishing the most basic requirement from an orator – to speak extempore and not read from a paper like Rahul Gandhi, who seems like the young Anakin Skywalker – not wanting to cross over to the dark side, but not really having the confidence or intellect to stand up for what he believes is right. Hopefully Obi-Wan Kenobi Singh won’t have to cut off his limbs one day, for the greater good. Let’s not forget our very own Jabba the Hutt, the legal brain who has been trying to scupper the entire Jan Lok Pal Bill, and who frowned viciously with his furrowed white eyebrows quivering furiously every time Varun Gandhi or Swaraj made a point. And who ensured that while the Force was with him, he was only interested in using it to conquer the rebel alliance while strengthening the supremacy of the Death Star at any cost. The Jedi Council at the maidan were quite ably supported by some character-actors like the Ewoks and Chewy and R2D2, from Kabir Bedi to Aamir Khan, who endeared themselves to the supporters of the fight against the Dark Side. There were multiple contenders though for the role of the loud and utterly obnoxious Jar Jar Binks – from Arindam Chaudhuri to Om Puri to even Kiran Leia Bedi who did a double role as Jar Jar. They made Raju Srivastava, the original Jar Jar Binks from the Great Laughter Challenge, who also came there for his moment in the sun, seem almost serene and genteel in comparison. Which is quite the achievement. If Yoda Hazare hadn’t been given to being a man of few words and of a peaceful nature, he just might have chopped their heads off with his saber. By far the most annoying characters though were our very own versions of General Grievous and the Viceroy – known for their utterly irritating voices and behaviour. And this mantle falls squarely on the shoulders of the news anchors who spent the better part of each of their panel debates, outshouting the panel and delivering  repetitive monologues at higher and higher decibel levels. Sadly, the Star Wars series never had a character with many talking heads, but maybe Lucas can take inspiration from our lovely anchors. So now that the Rebel Alliance has won its first battle against the Empire, it’s left for us to see whether Anakin Gandhi will manage to bring balance to the Force and allow the Rebel Alliance to conquer the Death Star. Or whether life will imitate art once more and the Empire will Strike Back.  Rajyasree Sen is a restaurateur, TV connoisseur and unsolicited opinion-giver. You can read about her adventures with food and life in Delhi on her blog or follow her at @rajyasree