How to have a meaningful conversation about sex with your partner

A whirlwind romance and a perfect sex life, these are two things that happen effortlessly only in romance novels and romantic-comedy movies. Striving for both IRL takes more hard work and effort, both on your part and that of your partner. Yes, practice makes perfect - so the more sex you have, the better you get at it. But what matters even more is being on the same page about sex with your partner. [caption id=“attachment_7707351” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] Representational image. Image source: Getty Images.[/caption] Now before you start thinking that conversations about sex are boring, you need to understand that you won’t get sexual satisfaction in the long run if you don’t discuss what you both like and dislike. Everybody has sexual fantasies and needs, and of course, you can’t telepathically communicate what you want in bed, can you?   So talking about sex is essential, even surprisingly rewarding at times. But given how talking about sex still has (unfortunately) a lot of stigmas attached to it, we sometimes shy away from talking to our partners of many years! Repressed desires and unreal expectations can make a lethal combination, leading to negative sexual, physical and mental health outcomes.   No, you definitely do not want any of that. Engaging in meaningful conversations about sex with your partner is much easier, less painful (in the long run) and, often, results in more gratifying sexual experiences. Now if you’re wondering just how to go about having that sex talk, here are a few pointers that might guide you through.

1. Get over the awkwardness

Feeling anxious or uncomfortable while talking about sex is quite natural. And yes, it may seem like an insurmountable obstacle at the beginning for both of you. Reassure each other to instil confidence. Holding the conversation in a comfortable, intimate location can also help.

2. Start with the basics

If you’re too shy to jump into a conversation about lubricants and sex positions straight away, start with very basic stuff - like where and how you like to be touched, kissing and cuddling, etc. Build the conversation up to foreplay and more serious sex talk gradually.

Also read:   All you need to know about using lubricants for better sex

3. Keep it short and sweet

Long conversations, unless organic, can be very boring. Set a time limit to the sex talk so that you are not emotionally drained by the end of it. However, make sure that you have these conversations regularly.

4. Don’t avoid the negatives

Sexy sex talks can lay the groundwork for engaging conversations, but you shouldn’t avoid issues like sexually transmitted infections (STIs), contraceptives, condoms, ill health, etc. Not talking about these can affect your mutual health.

5. Be accepting

If your partner wants to try something new in bed, try to keep an open mind. Talking about their desires and figuring out what you both like, will help you to gradually build trust and acceptance. That said, if certain acts or techniques are not your cup of tea, then be clear about them so that you don’t end up building resentment in the long run.

6. Pressure versus pleasure

Everybody wants to orgasm, but getting there isn’t easy in the beginning. It takes time, and a lot of sex talks, to get there. In the meanwhile, not having an orgasm can add unnecessary pressure and frustration. Talk about this very openly, because sex isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about pleasure through intimacy, and that can be emotional too. Neither you nor your partner should forego the pleasure of intimacy for the sake of an elusive orgasm. Read   How to talk to your partner about sex   for more detailed tips. Health articles in Firstpost are written by myUpchar.com, India’s first and biggest resource for verified medical information. At myUpchar, researchers and journalists work with doctors to bring you information on all things health.