How to feel happier and less anxious about your sex life

If you’re sexually active and not feeling fully satisfied, you’re not alone. Sure, there are some people who are extremely content with the quality as well as quantity of sex they’re having but there are also many others who feel that there is something missing from their sex lives - whether it’s attention, experimentation or appreciation.   [caption id=“attachment_3274834” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Representational image. Photo courtesy: Freeimages[/caption] A recent study by the Women’s Health Research Program at Monash University studied almost 7,000 Australian women and reported that over half of them feel distressed about their sex lives. While 20.6% of them suffered from at least one female sexual dysfunction like low sexual self-image and arousal dysfunction, another 29.6% who felt dissatisfied with their sex lives had no sexual dysfunction at all. While not entirely shocking, the takeaway here should be that if you feel unhappy with your sex life, you can take steps to rectify the situation. It’s important to realize that this distress can be temporary if you give it the right attention and make a few changes. Here are a few tips that could help you feel happier and less anxious about your sex life:

1. Become an expert

Often, anxiety about a subject comes from a lack of information. If you wanted to, say, fly a plane - wouldn’t you first learn everything you could about planes and how they work? Even after all the studying, you may feel anxious the first few times. Once you become an expert, though, the fear will disappear and you’ll actually be able to enjoy the experience of flying a plane. Think of sex the same way - read about it, discuss it with friends, ask a doctor all your doubts, and then go about practising it until you become an expert.

2. Talk about sex

A lack of communication can cause a lot of problems in a relationship and your sexual unhappiness could be one of them. Don’t keep it all in - if you feel comfortable enough with your partner to engage in sexual activity, you should also feel comfortable enough to talk about it with him or her or them. You can’t expect the other person to just know how you’re feeling - even if they’ve felt your unhappiness, they may not have brought it up out of concern that you’re not ready to talk about it yet.  

3. Improve your focus

The benefits of meditation are many and include increasing your focus on a particular activity while you’re performing it. A study published in 2017 in the  Journal of Sexual Research  claimed that women who completed an eight-session mindfulness programme reported lower sexual distress. Feeling present during sex can greatly affect the pleasure you derive from it.  

4. Analyse your relationship

Any negative feelings towards your partner could also make you feel distressed about sexual activity with them. So if you’re fighting with your partner, feeling neglected by them or angry with them over something, work out those issues before addressing your sexual problems. Working out these issues might cause your sexual unhappiness to go away with them.    

5. Self-love

A healthy body image is important for healthy sex life. We know it’s difficult to do this in a society that is obsessed with setting beauty standards and defining the ideal body type, but remind yourself that your body is unique and beautiful no matter what anyone says. Your body does a lot for you - if you want to pay it back, do it by exercising and feeding it healthy food, not by criticizing it every time you see it in the mirror. Loving yourself - mind, body and soul - can help you be more satisfied sexually, as was established by a study published in 2009 in the  Journal of Sexual Medicine.  

6. See a professional

You may not be able to solve all your sexual problems on your own. Reach out to a sex therapist, your gynaecologist or even fertility specialist to discuss your problems and ask for recommendations. Don’t be shy as you do this; it’s important to be honest with these professionals as they need all the information to be able to help. More severe problems or sexual dysfunctions can take some time in being treated completely - put in the effort and follow the advice you receive. Seeing a sex therapist with your partner can also help if you’re having trouble starting that conversation.   Read   How to talk to your partner about sex  for more detailed tips. Health articles in Firstpost are written by myUpchar.com, India’s first and biggest resource for verified medical information. At myUpchar, researchers and journalists work with doctors to bring you information on all things health.