Female orgasm Part 2: Tips to deal with anorgasmia
The truth is that all of us are unique, with different mental and emotional makeup (and issues), so what may work for one person may not for another.
In part 1 of our series on female orgasm, we talked about the possible reasons some women are not able to orgasm, despite having the right stimulus. These causes can range from lifestyle to gynaecological and psychological factors.
For some women, however, the inability to orgasm is limited to specific scenarios. Situational anorgasmia is when a woman can orgasm through self-stimulation but is unable to with a partner. Sometimes, she may be able to orgasm with a specific partner or with a specific kind of stimulation.
The truth is that all of us are unique, with different mental and emotional makeup (and issues), so what may work for one person may not for another. The idea is to find out what might be bothering you and find a solution that works for you. That said, here are some tips on how you can deal with anorgasmia.
1. Love your body
A positive body image is an important part of sexual health. If you don’t think you are sexually attractive, it will impinge upon your sex life too. People who develop a negative image of their bodies, specifically their genitals, can feel dirty or shameful about taking pleasure in being touched in any of those areas.
Learn to explore and appreciate your own body, do not compare yourself with anyone. If it works for you, try standing in front of the mirror and try to notice all the negative thoughts you have about your body. Experts say that with mirror exposure therapy, all those negative thoughts eventually start to fade away on their own.
You can also try going to a sex therapist, either alone or with your partner.
2. See a therapist
Women who have been sexually abused in the past, or have faced a terrible rejection, tend to build a wall around themselves to keep from facing the issue again. But this wall also keeps them from enjoying any emotional or physical pleasure. If this one of your issues, it is best to seek a therapist's help to address your issues. While you are on the therapy, try not to hold back information from your therapist and be open and vocal about your situation so your therapist can provide the best treatment as per your situation.
3. Talk to your partner
Sex should be fun and safe, and open communication with your partner is important to make sure that both of you can enjoy it. Talk to your partner about what you are comfortable with and what puts you off or makes you feel uneasy. This includes safe sex practices and verbal agreement to any kind of physical behaviour.
Some women need a level of emotional intimacy before they can give in to the pleasures of physical intimacy. Talking to your partner would help you build that trust and understanding.
4. Don’t fake it
A lot of women fake orgasms to make their partner feel successful, because they are tired or because they have self-esteem issues or because they feel their partner would baulk at the amount of effort needed.
If you too wonder about what would your partner think if they knew it takes effort to make you orgasm, stop doing it. What you want and need is as important as your partner’s needs. And by faking it, you are setting unrealistic expectations for your partner on what works for you. Instead of faking an orgasm, be honest and communicate your needs to your partner. Together, you may eventually be able to figure out the right moves.
5. Lube up
A woman’s vagina normally lubricates itself during sexual arousal; however, vaginal dryness is a real issue after menopause. It can cause friction and pain, making sex uncomfortable. Consider also that some women just like to have more lubrication than their vagina provides. Enter: lube.
There are various kinds of lubricants that you can experiment with. These include water-based, silicon-based and oil-based lubricants. You can try and see which one works best for you. A sex therapist may also help you chose the right lube for you.
For more information, read our article on What is an Orgasm and Tips on How to Achieve It.
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