5 sex positions that could reduce pain during intercourse

Many of us grew up believing that sex hurts. From literature to friends, it was always the same impression we were given. The general consensus was that intercourse was definitely going to hurt the first time and maybe for a while afterwards as well. It was probably for this very reason that many of us don’t question any pain associated with sex. We believe it to be completely normal and just deal with it as best as we can.  

Well, it’s high time we face the facts and change the narrative - sex doesn’t have to hurt, not even the first time if you do everything right. If it does hurt, there could be something wrong - physically or psychologically.  

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Clinically, painful intercourse is known as dyspareunia. Though there have been cases of it in men, it is far more common in women. There can be many causes for it, including not enough lubrication, infections, skin disorders, vaginismus (a condition in which the walls of the vagina spasm), injuries, trauma and even an abnormal development of the hymen.  

This doesn’t mean you can never have a healthy and enjoyable sex life, though. You can reach out to your doctor to pinpoint the cause of dyspareunia and then begin treatment. In the meantime, some sex positions can prove to be less painful than others.  

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1. Spooning

Instead of spooning after sex, try it during the act. Lie on your side with your partner directly behind you. Bend both of your knees a bit. The position makes sure that the penetration is shallower than normal as the buttocks provide some cushioning.  

2. Woman on top 

Being on top gives you all the control - but also be prepared to do all the work, unlike missionary.  

Have your partner lie down on the bed and place yourself on top of them. Instead of the regular cowgirl, try keeping your legs more straight than bent. You can also lean your torso forward a bit to do this. Again, this will ensure shallower penetration but also stimulate the clitoris. Another variation you could try is to put hard pillows under each of your knees. This can help reduce the amount you bounce and could prove to be less painful.

3. Reverse cowgirl

Again, it’s all about having complete control. You get to decide the speed, the intensity and the power behind the thrusts. This is also a position that men enjoy a lot so it can serve both of you well.  

The position is similar to “woman on top” except that you sit the other way around, facing your partner’s feet. Again, you can lean forward and put weight on your palms while your knees are only slightly bent, with your feet next to your partner’s shoulders.

4. Sitting face to face

This isn’t just to reduce pain but also increase intimacy. Have your partner sit down with his legs in front of him, slightly bent at the knees. Now sit in his lap with your legs draped over his legs. Being skin-to-skin, eye contact, and arms wrapped around each other - doesn’t that sound romantic? Well, that’s not all. The position ensures that the thrusts aren’t as powerful. The angle of entrance also shifts a bit - this could either help with the pain or make things worse, depending on your specific situation. Just be mindful, take it slow, stop as soon as things become uncomfortable, and alter the position as needed.  

5. Doggy with a twist

The doggy position provides similar cushioning to spooning, but the angle of entry might need to be manipulated to find the one that is most comfortable for you. Be patient while trying to do this. You can try lowering your head to the bed/pillow, with your back arched. Another option is to try it standing up: place your hands on the bed/table and bend over. Move around a bit, try three or four variations to figure out what feels best.  

A few more tips:  

• If you’re reluctant to experiment with the positions above, that’s okay too. Some women find the missionary to be the most comfortable. You can still tweak things to be less painful in this position. Try propping pillows in different places, like under your butt or your back or even your whole torso so that you’re almost sitting up but very comfortably.

• Remember, sex positions aren’t a science. What works for one person might not for the next. You do whatever feels good for you - whether there is a name for it or not. You can find your own variations or your own hacks that make sex more pleasurable for you and your partner.  

• Vaginal intercourse isn’t the be-all-end-all. You can always rely on oral sex or experiment with anal sex. Even fingering and handjobs can be intensely pleasurable. Find your thing as a couple, mix things up a bit.  

• Talk. Talk before sex, after sex, and during sex. It doesn’t even have to be sexy talk - just discuss the things that feel good, the ones that don’t feel so nice, what you might want to try and what you definitely don’t want to. Communicating your desires and hesitations can make all the difference sometimes.  

• Take all the help you can get - like using lubricants generously and maybe even adding vibrators into the mix. As we know, there is a line between pain and pleasure and these aids might just help you cross it.

• Don’t be made to feel guilty about your condition. This isn’t anyone’s “fault” and you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your problems with trusted friends to find comfort but remember that they might not be able to give you any actionable advice if they themselves haven’t had the same experience.  

For more information, please read our article on   Dyspareunia_. _ 

Health articles in Firstpost are written by myUpchar.com, India’s first and biggest resource for verified medical information. At myUpchar, researchers and journalists work with doctors to bring you information on all things health.