Melbourne: Australian all-rounder Moises Henriques has opened up about his battles with depression which once forced him to contemplate suicide during a first-class match.
The 33-year-old, who played just 11 ODIs, 11 T20Is and four Tests for Australia, was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2017.
"If you looked up the depression symptoms on Google, I was ticking off almost every single one of them and quite severely," Henriques, who has played for many IPL teams including four-time winners Mumbai Indians, told Ordineroli Speaking podcast.
"I remember lying in bed wanting to (self medicate) for a long time and considering all the different types of drugs that would be possible. At this stage, I was like who would I call? I wasn't even thinking of recreational or party drugs."
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"I was thinking where do I get these opioids and these things that are going to numb my brain to a point of not thinking where I'm not capable of thought."
Henriques recalled how once he had thought of crashing his car while driving home from Bankstown midway through a Shield match against Tasmania.
"I remember thinking to myself in the car, I'm doing 110 on the highway thinking if I just turn this car into here, into the pillar or somewhere?" he said.
"I didn't want to create a crash, thinking if I just ran straight into this pole what would happen? What would the consequence of what would happen there?"
"I ended up having to pull over because I was crying so heavily and I was shaking. I had to pull over, just took five minutes."
Henriques last played international cricket in October 2017.
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"I thought we did reasonably well to stay in and give ourselves a chance but, in the end, to be honest, we didn't play any good enough cricket," the head coach said.
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