What is a 'delusionship', yet another trend that comes with dating in 2023?

Dreaming of someone seems like a lovely thought. All of those beach walks, movie dates, barista dates, surprises, and others make way for a romantic destination wedding. Sadly, nothing here is true as you have not been on a real date. There’s a chance that you are engaged in a “delusionship.” The term refers to a brand-new dating scenario that many of us are familiar with. It has received over 16 million views on TikTok, which has already blessed us with catchy dating trends, from situationships to beige flags. Let’s take a closer look. Also read: Couples that sleep apart stay together? Sleep divorce, the new social media trend, explained All about “delusionship” Any relationship where one party has a drastically different perception of the severity of the relationship than the other is a delusionship. Vogue quoted Bumble’s dating coach Dr Caroline West as describing the new trend, “It’s the infatuation that you have for someone you don’t have an established relationship with—someone you see on the train every morning, or someone you have matched with on a  dating app  but haven’t met up with yet.” A situationship, on the other hand, is one in which both parties are consciously engaged in an uncommitted relationship, despite the fact that one party may wish for more. In delusion relationships, a person who is “delusional” has persuaded themselves that the person they are dating cares more and is more dedicated than they actually are. Despite it may seem cruel, this situation is way more common these days. Licenced clinical psychologist Raquel Martin told USA Today, “We can all have our fantasies without pathologising them.” Delusionships are so common in the life of many women because they believe initiating a date involves a stigma, according to Elle magazine. Recent data from Bumble shows that “41% of women have felt concerned about appearing desperate and 25% of women say they have felt concerned about being judged for openly wanting a serious relationship,” indicating that for most women, having a safe idealised relationship is a lot less frightening than acting on their emotions. “Men idealise connections too, but it tends to be more rooted in circumstances of reality and less emotionally driven. They’re also far less vocal about these idealisations,” influencer Jess Matthews told the magazine. Also read: What is ghostlighting that is leaving people heartbroken? Risks involved Delusionships are not a serious concern for the majority of people, according to T Joel Wade, a psychology professor at Bucknell University. “Single folks often idealise potential partners prior to really knowing anything of substance about them. It often is a first step in trying to form a relationship,” he told USA Today. Even so, this pleasant dream might not last long. Wade added, “If the delusionship is too idealised it can create problems in that it becomes hard, or virtually impossible, for the person of interest to “live up” to the idealised image. So, no relationship occurs after the initial date or interaction. Also, there can be an initial problem of the person of focus not having reciprocal feelings, or feelings of the same degree.” Relationship-minded persons shouldn’t feel bad if they daydream about having connections with others besides their partners. Commitment is not involved at all. “One can be in a committed relationship but still find others attractive and fantasise about being with them. This can occur because the attraction systems – locating a potential partner, becoming attracted to a potential partner, committing to a potential partner – are somewhat independent of each other.” Also read: After quiet quitting, comes quiet hiring: Is this new workplace trend helping or hurting employees? The red flag Another concern is that a passing phase of infatuation could develop into a more severe mental illness. “One of the biggest differences between infatuation and (a mental health issue) is time spent consumed with the other person in your thoughts and actions, length of time the infatuation lasts, and actions taken to sustain the infatuation, like constantly looking at their social media, following them around, and changing your lifestyle to have more access to them,” Martin told USA Today. Also read: What Gen Z women want: ‘Lazy Girl Jobs’ What to do if you’re in delusionship In delusionships, we frequently lack self-awareness, whether on purpose or accidentally. Examining our reactions to dating-related interactions can help us get clarity, explained Australia-based Bodyandsoul.com. The best course of action is to be honest if you’re still unsure of whether that “goodnight” SMS was intended as a joke or a romantic gesture. We disregard the indicators that the other person is not interested in us in delusional relationships. The signals of disinterest are actually rather easy to spot, so it’s a good idea to check if the person you’re dating is displaying it. Even while that seems terrifying, it’s much preferable to the alternative, which is wasting time in an unsatisfying relationship. According to Vogue, one may consider their delusionships as a means of screening potential partners. Your misconception may be a strategy for assessing your compatibility with someone and demonstrates your confidence in choosing to be with someone you deem attractive. With inputs from agencies