Why is Tanisha Mukherji letting Armaan Kohli abuse her in Bigg Boss?

Every evening, I watch a 30-something, good looking, educated, financially independent woman from one of India’s premier film families get screamed at, physically shoved and essentially abused by a 40-something man who is also financially stable and from one of India’s film families. This is a man who has been unsuccessful in his career, virtually unknown for the last 10 years and increasingly seems to epitomise all that could be wrong with men. The woman in question is neither married to this man nor related to him, and knows him for barely two months. So what does she do? Does she scream right back at him when he hurls abuses at her? Does she walk off and refuse to communicate with him ever again? Does she shove him right back when he shoves her? No. What she does is make puppy eyes at him, ignore the fact that he shoved her in front of 82 cameras and 11 other people, and plead with him to speak her to her nicely whenever he abuses her or is rude to her. She then holds his hand and cuddles up to him. What does said man do? Change his behaviour? No. Why the hell should he? Perhaps because she seems undisturbed by his antics, he simply repeats the same behaviour day after day. [caption id=“attachment_1248019” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Tanisha and Armaan Kohli. Image courtesy IBNLive[/caption] The woman in question is Tanisha – sister of Kajol, sister-in-law of Ajay Devgn (he of the capricious a in the surname) and daughter of Tanuja. The man is Armaan Kohli, son of film producer Rajkumar Kohli. Armaan is the standard unsuccessful man. A professional failure who is loud, crass and feels that the only way he can exert himself and gain some attention is by bullying people, screaming and shouting and hurling abuses.  His father no longer makes films, nobody casts Armaan in films. I presume, the deep-seated insecurity at his lack of fame and celebrityhood finds expression in the utterly despicable behaviour he displays. So why does a Tanisha put up with Armaan without a murmur? All you see her do is look long-sufferingly at him and say “Aap mujhse aise baat kyun karte ho?” What explains her regressive attitude and seeming fondness to be abused and repressed? Like it’s her lot in life and it’s not a lot.  She owes nothing to him. But she still - often smilingly – looks on as he speaks to her in a manner that would make most women walk away from any man or woman who treated them similarly. Whether it is because she herself suffers from the insecurity of never having come out from her sister’s shadow and having to ultimately resort to participating in Bigg Boss to gain her moment of fame, is anyone’s guess. Or does it have to do with the fact that she is single and going by Indian standards is past her sell-by date, much like I am? Is it the desperation to be finally wanted by a man, even if it is Armaan Kohli. Insecurity can make us do a lot of stupid things.  Whatever it be, I can only guess at it and hope there’s a good reason why she’s the poster girl for The Doormat Makers Association of India. What makes me cringe every evening though is the realisation that this is a show that the majority of Middle India watches. Tanisha is the most famous of women on the show, courtesy her lineage. That women are treated horribly by men in India is known. That men beat them up, hurl abuses at them, tell them to shut up and put up and put out is also known. That they are also taught that nobody wants wife who is too opinionated or takes a stand against the menfolk is also drummed into most women and men’s heads. And this cuts across class. But to see this behaviour encouraged by a celebrity is what makes it unpalatable. Most women and men watching this show would think that if Tanisha puts up with it (and with such élan), there’s obviously nothing wrong with it. So what if Armaan shoves her around or abuses her or tells her she’s steeped in insecurity and he doesn’t want to speak to her or be friends with her and she should leave him alone? What matters is that after all that emotional and physical abuse, he puts his arm around her and tells her that she should know that she’s his “precious”. A moment in which I thought he’d morph into Gollum, but didn’t. We keep screaming blue murder at the representation of women in saas-bahu serials. But what about how women represent themselves in reality shows, which are purportedly unscripted? And if the show is scripted, it makes Tanisha look even worse that she would agree to portray herself as a woman who puts up with abuse from a man who can at best be called a “loser” in pop culture terminology. To me, the damage that a Tanisha’s behaviour is doing to the way Bigg Boss’s female and male audiences is far worse than any regressive TV serial. In TV serials, audiences know it’s fiction. Over here, it’s a known person from a famous family. If she puts up with it, who is the ordinary woman to rail against the men in their lives who abuse them? This is also the same show where women contestants like Gauhar Khan stood up to Armaan Kohli and voiced their opinion and displeasure, but were instructed to not be so opinionated and critical by other participants and Salman Khan. Clearly, it’s okay for a man to rail against others and play the schoolyard bully, but a woman’s place is to look pretty, cook and flirt when asked to – never without invitation from the men. I don’t hold out a lot of hope from reality television. But call it naiveté or stupidity, I simply wish that someone would  call out the regressiveness on display in the programme. Now I’ve started watching Bigg Boss with the hopes that I’ll see Tanisha suddenly grow a spine and find some self-respect. But this seems to be as long as the wait for Godot. The portrayal of women in this programme is starting to make Ekta Kapoor’s serials look like The Vagina Monologues.