Top 5 ways Baby Bachchan will change our world

Sandip Roy

Nov 16, 2011 15:48:19 IST

I knew this would be a good year. First the World Cup victory. And now Baby B has landed. I know there are all these snooty, holier-than-thou intellectual types who couldn't care less about Baby B. They are the party poopers who want to talk instead about all the poor children born today who live below poverty line, the girl children who will be discarded at birth as just another dowry burden. Well listen up, professional moaners, no one cares about your moping and whining. Hark the herald paparazzi sing, all glory to the new born thing.

"Baby girl for Bollywood's 'royal family'," announced AFP. Amen to that.

We should all be grateful that Baby B has arrived. And not just because we don't have to keep our eyes "glued to the television" anymore as media keep insisting we do.

Welcome Baby B. Here are five reasons why all of us should be thankful about your advent (and how our lives will never be the same again).

Top 5 ways Baby Bachchan will change our world

In birth, Baby B has been able to do what even Princess Di could not do in death – muzzle the paparazzi, or at least put them on leash. Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, watch and learn. AFP Photo

Welcome to the age of Twitter. Everyone who thought 140 characters was a poor excuse for news has had to swallow their words. This was a pregnancy by Twitter. We learned about it on the big T and followed it tweet by tweet. Now #BabyB is trending on Twitter. This is not our first Bolly celeb babe. Remember Esha Deol? But that was before the age of social media. This is our first bona fide child of the unholy union of social media and celeb media. Already the tweets are pouring in. "OMG! So excited Baby B is Daddy to a lil Angel!" coos Bipasha Basu. "Am sure she will be the prettiest girl ever," chirps Karan Johar. There is even a BaybeeBachchan handle on Twitter. I have a feeling the powers-that-be might shut that one down. But never mind, the asli Baby B is here. We can squeeze her little cheeks and rightfully say "So tweet". So those of you not on Twitter yet, sign up. Now. Otherwise you'll miss the first baby burp. And then, what will you talk about at the cocktail party?

Welcome to the age of media civility. This is not the first celeb baby born in India, leave alone the world. Madonna had one. Brangelina had their's. Michael Jackson dangled one. All of those had their moments of media frenzy. But the Bachchan baby managed to show her clout even before she actually landed. The Broadcast Editors' Association issued their version of the 10 commandments. Thou shalt not run the story on the breaking news band. Thou shalt not carry any MMS or photo of the child. Thou shalt not do an astrology show on this issue. Wow! In birth, Baby B has been able to do what even Princess Di could not do in death – muzzle the paparazzi, or at least put them on leash. Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, watch and learn.

Welcome to the age of the grandparent. Yeh hai India. Dada is bigger than baba. Who cared what Madonna's mother thought about her granddaughter? But here, we obsessively follow Bachchan Senior, sometimes eclipsing the rightful dad. Remember the kerfuffle when Big B decided to break the news of his daughter-in-law's pregnancy back in June with that over-the-top tweet? Since then it's been labour by tweet. Coming. Waiting. Lord has his ways. Still waiting. Eventually Daddy Bachchan got to tweet the news first. "IT'S A GIRL!!!!!! :-)))))," the proud father wrote on Twitter. Only after he had done the honours, did Bachchan senior weigh in, "I AM DADA to the cutest baby girl!! Dadaji… ecstatic!!!" Yahoo. Sexy Sam now will get to play Dashing Dada. Grandparenting, that unheralded and unsung labour of love, will get its due respect finally. Perhaps there will even be interesting grandfather/grandmother roles in Bollywood instead of the usual rona-dhona ones. Because we owe it to Bachchan juniormost. And as a side bonus, Big B might just get to grandparent more and tweet a little less.

Welcome to the age of the girl child. Finally, we can put to rest those ugly, ugly canards about the plight of the girl child in India. We've gotten ourselves a woman prime minister and a woman president and a woman speaker and woman political puppetmistress but it's never enough for those carping critics who keep talking about gender ratios and sex determination and abandoned girl children. That all changes today. Abhishek Bachchan had publicly said he wanted a little girl, and now that he has gotten one, we can only see a bright, bright future for the girl child. The UN tried its Year of the Girl Child campaigns but nothing can beat the happy spectacle of Bollywood's royal family with their little princess all done up in the cutest little designer ghagra choli (natural fibres, of course). The pictures alone are worth a thousand tedious campaigns. This is the breakthrough moment, verily. Prasoon Joshi could write a song about it.

Welcome to world peace, finally. If the Rs 5 crore winner of Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC) can become a brand ambassador for NREGA, why not rope in the littlest Bachchan quickly? She could be India's brand ambassador to the world. What happier spectacle is there than the joint family, generations coming together in a happy display of Bharatiya values? Already all of Bollywood is in a kumbaya mood agush (or at least atwitter) with congratulations and badhais. A veritable breath of fresh air in a cynical time of scams. This is India Shining even when GDP is falling and petrol prices are rising. This is a honeymoon period that we should quickly take advantage of. Pass the Jan Lokpal bill this winter session, I say, because we owe it to Baby B.  I can see it now: Anna fasts so Baby Bachchan will inherit a corruption-free world. Even Kapil Sibal cannot resist that.

Now excuse me, it's time for my knitting lessons.

 

Updated Date: Nov 16, 2011 15:56:11 IST

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