Oscars 2012: The Artist sweeps with five wins

Editor’s note: Lights. Camera. Action. It’s Oscar time. The 84th Annual Academy Awards ceremony is getting rolling in Los Angeles. So who will go home with the Oscar gold ? Is The Artist the film to beat? Will it be a showdown between Viola Davis and Meryl Streep?

It promises to be a star studded affair with nominees like Christopher Plummer, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Meryl Streep and Glenn Close. Firstpost editors Lakshmi Chaudhry and Sandip Roy will be live blogging the Oscars right up to the last envelope.

10.00 am: Best motion picture: The Artist wins the Oscar. This is the fifth Oscar for the movie.

Tom Cruise with that scary bleached teeth smile announcing the nominees for Best Motion Picture.

I dont think this will lead to a spurt of silent black and white films in Hollywood. What’s strange for Hollywood is it is the only one of the 9 nominees filmed entirely in Los Angeles. And its French. The producer pays tribute to director Claude Berry.

“6 in the morning in Paris now. So your kids need to go to bed right away”, says Michel Hazanavicius and then thanks his wife And thanks to Billy Wilder. Billy Wilder and Billy Wilder. And with that the Oscars comes to close with much hugging onstage.

Billy Crystal says goodbye with no more reference to The Kiss. WIll that be the Oscar moment to remember from 2012?

BTW A R Rahman spotted there for a minute. But Anil Kapoor where were you? Didn’t best buddy Tom Cruise take you along?

Well, for the most part, it’s been a predictable Oscars this year. Ok, Meryl was an underdog. But any win by Meryl is never all that surprising. It was relatively fast-paced but not particularly exciting.

G’bye Oscar, our favourite naked man.

9.55 am: Best Actress in a leading role: Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady. This is her third Oscar. The other nominees are: Glenn Close in Albert Knowles; Viola Davis in The Help; Rooney Mara for Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady, Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn.

Viola looks radiant and unashamedly thrilled. Colin is clearly fondest of Meryl, and pulling for her. Calls her “unreasonably good” — and he’s right. Iron Lady releases in India on 2 March. Michelle was many things as Marilyn, but sadly not sexy.

And of course, Meryl wins — for the third time. And who can grudge her? She’d be unbearable if she wasn’t so funny, warm and unassuming. Half of Ameica going, “oh no, not her again!” shrugs, but whatever!.

She says half of America must be going not her, Again. After 17 nominations she won’t have to act happy as someone else wins. Meryl gets teary. Starts with thanking her husband. Others should learn from her, the ones who manage to thank the partner as the music starts up.

It’s a nostalgic, teary acceptance speech. “What counts with me are the friends and relationships.”

She says I really understand I will never be up here again. She says she sees her life before her eyes. Gosh, Meryl you are not dying. But lovely as ever she says “For this inexplicably wonderful career thank you so much.”

9.40 am: Best Actor Jean Dujardin for The Artist. Natalie Portman presents the award for best actor. First Academy Award and nomination for Dujardin. As expected.

Jean Dujardin wins best actor for one of the quietest roles on screen for The Artist for a silent movie star. He says the first thing he did when the film was over was shave his mustache.

And the first thing he says with his French accent “I love your country.” What he means is especially now that I have whupped your two biggest stars George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

He thanks Douglas Fairbanks. His wife looks in tears.

He does his George Valentin moment shouting Merci Beaucoup with I am the King of the World flair. But since it’s in a French accent it sounds charming.

Poor Natalie Portman. Doesn’t matter what movie she does. It’s the Star Wars theme music when she makes an entry. Princess Amidala forever.

Oh George Clooney! One can do an entire map of his lovelife based on who he took to the Oscars. His latest squeeze is a wrestling champ Stacy Keibler who tweeted “‘We are off!!!! I feel like I’m going to the prom. oscars SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!”.

He was up against his one constant love, Brad Pitt — who has lasted longer than any of his girlfreinds. But of course, neither won tonight.

Jean Dujardin makes news — among other things — for NOT doing a Robert Benigni.

9.20 am: Esperanza Spalding sang It’s a Wonderful World. It’s the “In Memoriam” montage, playing to the score of the always poignant Louis Armstrong’s It’s a Wonderful World

The most famous names include Jane Ruselll, Whitney Houston, Peter Falk, Sidney Lumet, Steve Jobs, and Elizabeth Taylor who gets the presigious last spot. We often forget that Jobs was a huge presence in Hollywood, who changed the face of animation. He also received a posthumous Grammy this year.

9.15 am: Best Director The Artist’s director Michel Hazanavicius wins the award for best director. Michael Douglas presents the award. Other nominees were Alexander Kane for Descendants, Martin Scorsese for Hugo, Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris, Terence Malick for Tree of Life.

James Earl Jones and Oprah Winfrey get rousing applause.

The favourite wins, as he was expected to. This is his first oscar. Thanks everyone in that irresistible French accent. Thanks Uggie the dog. “Sometimes life is wonderful. Today is one of those days,” he says. Sometimes boring is dignified. Who can forget Robert Benigni’s antics.

In the long list of names he thanked was his wife Berenice Bejo who is the heroine of the movie. No special love for her.

What’s with the testimonials to the nominated directors? It sounds like competing sales pitches. Aah finally a French accent on stage. But always remember, we got Persian first.

Meryl Streep has been nominated 17 times and won twice. So how many times has she had to act thrilled for 14 times that someone else won. Quick arithmetic. The answer is 14 since this one has not been announced. The buzz is she might have to do it again with Viola Davis being favoured. But she gets to announce the Governor’s awards tonight

James Earl Jones gets an honorary Oscar. From Star Wars to Lion King. Luke, Remember who you are. How could we forget? The original voice of God or DarthVader now in London doing D_riving Miss Daisy._

Oprah Winfrey gets the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. She starts to weep. Sorry, Oprah. Weeping black lady moment has already happened tonight. Best Supporting Actress Octavia Spencer pipped you to it.

9.12 am: Best documentary feature. Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy wins for Saving Face. Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy wins for her HBO documentary Saving Face. Pakistan scores at the Oscar with its first nomination ever though this topic about women faced with acid attacks might not be good PR for the country. Sharmeen becomes the first Pakistani to win an Oscar and promptly becomes for the moment one of the most famous Pakistanis around.

“The single act of throwing acid on a woman’s face completely ruins her life. It’s like the living dead, because if you throw acid on a woman’s face, she can seldom go home after that. To me, it’s the most heinous of all crimes against women.” said Chinoy in an interview.

But now start the inevitable complaints about how the West loves to honour films that show how horrible Islam is towards women. This is what Chinoy had to say about that. “Should we not talk about these things just because they are negative? Because Pakistan can fix its problems if it so chooses.”

How lovely it is to see a South Asian woman win an Oscar — as a director, at that! Go Sharmeen!

9.10 am: Best animated short film: The fantasitc flying books of Morris Lessmore. William Joyce and Brandon Oldenburg

This is the stuff most of us will never see — especially in India. A pity… Yet another reason why India needs its own version of NetFlix.

9.05am: Best Live Action Short: The Shore, Terry George and Oorlach George .

Technical awards being given out. Well they were given out before. This is the moment for the pee breaks and now back to the show.

The cast of the Bridesmaids come up on stage in various shades of beige it seems. You need SIX people to announce the short film nominees? Cast of The Bridesmaids using length, size etc of movies to sly penis jokes. Excellent!

8.55am: Best Original Screenplay: Woody Allen for A Midnight in Paris. Woody is a no-show to accept his Oscar for Midnight in Paris. Is he sulking or just too big a director to show up for minor award?

The original girl with the dragon tattoo — presenter Angelina Jolie shows much thigh in her black velvety Versace Atelier

Now more stars talk about their favourite movie. Reese Witherspoon insists hers is Goldie Hawn’s Overboard. A nice tongue-in-cheek moment as the rest cite more worthy contenders.

8.50 am: Best Adapted Screenplay: The Descendants. Based on the novel by Kaui Hart Hemmings, the screenplay was written by screenwriter and director Alexander Payne along with Nat Faxon and Jim Rash.

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Angelina Jolie looking fabulous but standing in this odd way with her hand on her hip like a Las Vegas showgirl.

Some of the best movies this year were based on novels: Descendants, Ides of March, Money Ball, Hugo, and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy.

Cute mom moment. One of the scriptwriters thanks his mom who made him promise he’d dedicate the Oscar to her just like Javier Bardem did when he won.

8.45 am: Best song Brett McKenzie for the Muppets He says Kermit the frog, like many stars is shorter in real life and that its a true honour to work in the shadow of legends. Good to hear some Kiwi accent onstage after some persian ones and of course British. Films are truly global.

Wonder what it feels to be one of only two nominees and then be the losing one. At least in the other categories you have another 3 people to commiserate with and feel robbed about losing.

Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis comes on all in white with giant clashing cymbals to announce best song. Usually the most tedious moments of Oscars are when all the nominated songs are performed. Luckily we are being spared that this time and we just do the awards. Though there is some clatter bang of cymbals being dropped.

8.40am: Best Original score goes to Ludovic Bource for the The Artist Bource’s score for the film is a classic. Penelope Cruz and Owen Wilson present without any theatrics. Nominees: The Artist, of course; Hugo; T_inker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy_; _The Adventures of Tintin._The last two being the big misses in this year’s nominees list.

8.36am: Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Actor for playing an old gay man in The Beginners. He will always be loved by generations of women – and men – as George Ludwig von Trapp, the eternally dashing Austrian aristrocrat who fell in love with his governess. Aw, he awards the Nobel Peace Prize to his wife for coming to his rescue throughout his life.

8.29am: Achievement in Visual Effects: Hugo

Ben Stiller and Emma Stone to present Visual Effects. They make fun of the practised routine joint presenters go through, including the forced jokes. It isn’t all that funny either.

Ooh Brangelina sighting!

Nominees are predictable: _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Hugo, Real Steel, Rise of the Planet of the Apes,_the latest Transformers flick.

More love for Hugo. It’s like they gave Marty all the OTHER Oscars because they don’t be giving him the big ones.

8.20am: Best animated film goes to Rango

Gore Verbinski says the film was created by a bunch of grown ups acting like children. he thanks Johnny Depp first, and then his wife.

Chris Rock gives out the award. Chris Rock says that in animation a white man can play an Arabian prince. A Black man though cannot play white! You only get to be a donkey or zebra. Says he should he have gotten to host instead of Billy Crystal doing his Sammy Davis Jr black face.

The funniest bit of any acceptance speech is the look of relief on the person’s face when they remember to thank the spouse and family. Most famous offender was Hillary Swank who forgot her hubby when she won for Boys Don’t Cry. That marriage didn’t last. Surprise!

8.10am: Best Documentary goes to Undefeated which is on a high school football team in Memphis.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr to present best Documentary. Downey is funny, pretending he is making a “live documentary.” Gwyneth responds, “That’s called the news!”

The entire team comes up to get the award. Sweet.

7.57am: The Editing Oscar is the most under-rated since a great editor can make or break a movie. Goes to Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which most Indians will have to check out on a pirated DVD thanks to our great censors.

The fabulous Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper gave away the award. Tina single-handedly made funny sexy – which is a huge achievement for a female comedian.

Great, short speeches so far.

7.52am: Crystal talking about focus groups and how they often determine the endings of movies, to set up a little spoof. It isn’t funny to anyone who doesn’t know and love Wizard of Oz. And most non-Americans don’t.

7.45am: Christian Bale looks very dapper in all black as he gives out the Best supporting actress award. Best Supporting Actresses usually tend to have rather dowdy roles on screen. But they get to come look glam for the Oscars.

Jessica Chastain grabs on to her mother for luck and the Oscar goes to the predicted favourite - Octavia Spencer for The Help. She is being helped up stage and it looks like we will get our first Oscar teary moment… And first standing ovation.

What would the Oscars be without tears on stage? Question: why do women sob helplessly on stage? The most memorable of course have been Halle Berry and Gwyneth Paltrow. Spencer saves herself from joining their ranks by exiting quickly.

Aside: Billy Crystal’s Sammy Davis Jr. impersonation in his opening skit is drawing some blackface jeers on Twitter especially with The Help nominated

7.38am: Sandra Bullock looks rather serious… quite like a headmistress! She is speaking German but pretending to be Mandarin Chinese. Is this what is called Double Deutsch?. Bullock introduces Best foreign film… the category that the Oscars should get rid off. Isn’t there that French film predicted to make a sweep in the normal Oscars?

The predicted winner wins. A Separation for Iran.

7.26am: Yay, Costume design. The most fun Oscar category. And the one that gave us our one bona fide Oscar winner: Bhanu Athaiyya who won for Gandhi. Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz look marvelous and Oscar-worthy in their matching white gowns. Mark Bridges wins for The Artist. Predictable and exactly right.

7.16am: Tom Hanks on stage to give the first Oscar.

Art direction and cinematography is the kind of stuff that makes a huge impact when you’re watching the movie – but you don’t give a crap about come Oscar time. And the winners tend to be no-brainers. Think Lord of the Rings.

Achievement in cinematography. first Oscar of the night to Hugo … Robert Richardson with hair like Moses. If Moses were to wear a tux that is. Mercifully short speech. Setting the example for the night.

Art direction. Hugo again. For the husband and wife team Danete Ferretti and Franchescha

Hmm is this a bad sign for Martin Scorcese? He’s won the early awards. And this is it for Hugo? Should he go home now?

7.13am: this is billy crystaL’s NINTH time hosting the Oscars. He jokes he is Warhorse. the movies have always been there for us - to laugh, to cry, to text. - that’s the truth.

The economy gets a nod from Billy as he welcomes us to the beautiful chapter 11 theater since Kodak has filed for bankruptcy. Nothing can take the sting off the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires giving each other golden statues…

And now Billy Crystal has to fold all the nominated films into the opening song. I bet he is nostalgic for the old days when only 5 films were nominated..

7.05am: It’s official. The Oscars are holy. Morgan Freeman, who sounds like the voice of God kicks opens the Oscars with George Clooney kissing the sleeping beauty aka Billy Crystal as he does the nominated movie montage. There’s pie, toilet humour, old school projectors, and Tom Cruise breaking in through the glass. Making the Oscars ceremony really entertaining… Mission Impossible 5? Will Billy be able to do it?