Running down the 'Does that really need a sequel?' list

By Anuya Jakatdar When Hollywood decides to make sequels, it makes The Dark Knight. It makes Godfather 2. It makes The Empire Strikes Back. Then, for fun, it also makes prequels, like The Hobbit and The Phantom Menace. It could also be because it likes to milk the franchise cow so dry that it spouts dandruff. (There’s an indie prequel-prequel to the Star Wars prequels called Star Wars - Before the Big Bang, which has only ten minutes of silence and darkness. It has won many Independent Spirit awards for starkly depicting the emptiness of life and the inner workings of Himesh Reshammiya’s brain, all at the same time.) When Bollywood decides to make sequels, we get Yamla Pagla Deewana 2 (YPD 2), which threatens to single-handedly float the careers of not just one but three Deols, and features mind-blowing dialogues like, “Jaan doonga, par Salman nahin!” (What did one black buck say to the other?) and heroines whose weight and age are the same as Sunny Deol’s dhai kilon ka haath. Add Esha Deol doing an item number, and the creepiness circle shall be complete. [caption id=“attachment_717894” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] A still from Krrish. Courtesy: Facebook[/caption] To be fair, YPD 2 is just jumping onto the sequels bandwagon that Bollywood seems to have embraced with so much gusto that you can sometimes see them doing tequila shots at a bar. Arguably, it all began when Rakesh Roshan dubbed ET in Hindi and explained to the world that Hrithik Roshan has an extra thumb because he is secretly alien spawn. The movie was a hit and led to Krissh, because if there anything that Superman has taught us, it’s that alien spawn have superpowahs, beesnatch! That, and that hipster glasses are so hipster they were hipster before they were hipster. This Diwali, the Roshans will release Krissh 3, which is confusing because there never was a Krisshh 2, unless they count Koi Mil Gaya as Krisshh 1, which is weird because Krisshh was but a twinkle in his father’s eye in the Koi Mil Gaya universe. (Picture Anu Kapoor standing next to Hrithik going, “Superhero sperm!”) Joining the Roshans on the esteemed “Does that really need a sequel?” list are the Bhatts with Aashiqui 2. For one, it doesn’t seem like they’re all that good at sequels because I heard that Murder 3 didn’t even have a murder (It was just Aggravated Assault 1.) For another, was Aashiqui so huge a hit that it warranted a sequel? Did we need to carry on Rahul Roy and Anu Agarwal’s legacy? What, you say? Who, you say? Huh, you say? Come now, guys, I have a word limit. This is why God created Google. In an industry that can barely get its first attempts right, sequels need to be relegated to a deep dark corner in Anil Kapoor’s armpit. As long as we keep churning out gems like Rowdy Rathore or any-movie-with-Jackky-Bhagnani-in-it, we are basically like Chris Brown in 2009 - we don’t deserve second chances. (Anuya Jakatdar is a freelance writer and social media consultant who blogs at www.fireyourstylist.wordpress.com. Follow her on Twitter @boozeandshooze and give her feedback about the column on boozeandshooze@gmail.com.)