RIP Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing will always be a good friend

Matthew Perry was an exceptional actor. Apart from playing the legendary Chandler Bing, he was a part of many movies and TV shows that dominated 90s and millennium pop culture — The West Wing, The Good Wife, The Whole Nine Yards, 17 Again to name a few. He also chose to be vulnerable about his issues with addiction and wrote a memoir about his struggles, titled Friends, Lovers and That Big Terrible Thing. It is safe to say that Perry wanted to break out of the Chandler Bing mould and tried his whole adult life to make a legacy for himself beyond the sitcom. The last few years of his life went in pursuit of a more noble purpose for his fame. He wanted to help fellow addicts. In recent interviews, he had said, “When I die, I don’t want Friends to be the first thing that’s mentioned. I want [helping people] to be the first thing that’s mentioned, and I’m gonna live the rest of my life proving that.”

They're together again but without #MatthewPerry 💔
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— riri (@cbyrir) November 4, 2023

It is terribly unfortunate then, that so many of us 90s kids from India will primarily remember him as Chandler Bing. We love Matthew Perry (I particularly loved him in the rom-com genre, and watch 17 Again at least once a year). But Chandler Bing was is special. Because Friends was special. _Friends_ was “a first” in a lot of ways for us ‘90s kids in India. Friends may have been the first English TV show we watched. Friends was the first time I saw a man co-parenting with his lesbian ex-wife. Friends was the first time I saw a drag queen (Kathleen Turner, who played Chandler’s trans father). Friends is how I found out about the “ gay panic” humour trope, as best seen in the famous between Joey and Ross napping on a couch. I first started watching the show in the early 2000s, when Star World would broadcast Full House at 7 pm and then Friends at 7:30, and that one hour of pure American sitcoms became somewhat of a pop cultural benchmark for years to come. Ross, Rachel and the on-again-off-again phenomena. Joey and his “how you doin’”, a particularly off-key “Smelly Cat”, the Rachel Green haircut, and most of all, Chandler Bing Sarcasm. His one-liners dominated watercooler conversations at school. Chandler’s wry humour may have been a coping mechanism for his insecurities but they manifested in young adults as coolth when recreated. Chandler was is a favourite. And so, Chandler Bing’s evolution from homophobia to becoming almost an ally over the seasons, was our evolution as a viewer too. We take the same journey as Chandler Bing from homophobic jokes at his father’s expense in the early seasons, to their reunion at his wedding with Monica, where Chandler learns to accept his father for who he is. This may seem like a very large leap of faith, to call Chandler Bing a queer ally. As soon as I wrote that sentence I started to recall all the times Friends has been problematic. There’s the whole Male Nanny joke. Some will argue that we were basically laughing at Ross for being so close-minded as to not be able to accept a man who is a nanny. But the offensive joke was writing itself there, and we were laughing at it inadvertently. The scenes between Chandler, his mother and his father are particularly difficult to rewatch. Most punchlines were dedicated to Chandler’s father, who was never acknowledged as a transgender character. They were always portrayed as gay or a drag queen. Friends co-created Martha Kaufman admitted to this problematic depiction in this interview with LA Times_,_ saying, “I’m embarrassed that I didn’t know better 25 years ago.” But Chandler evolved. And we evolved with him, while watching him. We also watched a lesbian wedding on television for the first time with Friends. We saw Ross and Joey kiss as part of a rehearsal for an audition. And these iconic scenes had such a lasting impact on young impressionable minds that were mostly confined to heteronormative stories. When we began watching Chandler in Friends, we didn’t know what he did — I had to google “chandler bing job” for the millionth time. It’s “data reconfiguration and statistical analysis”, fyi — we didn’t know whether he would ever commit to Janice or if he’d stay single and sardonic for the rest of his life. His commitment phobia was a big part of his personality, but by the end of the series, Chandler and Monica had the most fairytale-like combined character arc with a funny hookup story, dreamy wedding and twin children. There’s this episode in the later seasons of Friends when Monica and Ross snitch each other out to their parents with ludicrous accusations from school and college. Chandler got to play the mature mediator, dousing fires and bringing everyone together. There was a fair amount of humour at play here, but it was a turning point for Chandler’s characterisation. Chandler went from the resident sarcasm expert to being an overall dependable guy, and by extension, a good influence, mostly because he wasn’t preachy. He made mistakes, he would sometimes hide his biases behind humour. But as his character grew to be more inclusive, more worldly wise and more empathetic, we as viewers made that journey with him. Chandler was our friend and he was a good one.