Ragini MMS Returns review: This AltBalaji web series is 50 shades of unintentional comedy

“Ek to main itny horny hoon aur wahan mere saath koi kuchh karna hi nahin chahta”

In one of the episodes of AltBalaji’s web series, Ragini MMS Returns, the self-obsessed Sonia (Katie Iqbal — Veronica meets Poo Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham), says this in all earnestness, to a handsome, sexy, young guy.

Dressed like a Barbie doll topped with huge, shiny pearls, in a short, lacy pink dress, she turns around provocatively. (She looks super hot but her zero expression is such a dampener).

He spanks her lightly, on her bottom and says, “You bad, bad girl.” (Such bad, bad dialogue delivery….If only he did not sound more flat than a Doordarshan newsreader of yore.)

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Her dress slips out to reveal a hotter bod in a gorgeous, pink corset.  He picks her up and lays her down on a pool table. Oooo…the game is warming up.  He takes her hand and guides it downwards to his jean clad…….CUT! (Please note: the woman exposes more skin than the man).

“Exam “hard” hai”, she purrs. And opens her full, red mouth in a perfect O.  They kiss. A stiletto shoe kicks a ball into the table net.

The otherwise, well executed steamy scene, ends up being funny, thanks to the amateurish acting. Yet, it is far better than the much hyped scene between the central characters of Ragini (Karishma Sharma) and Rahul (Siddharth Gupta) who kiss more like frantic teenagers than passionate lovers.

And oh, what happened to the ghost who kills people who have sex? Never mind.

“NO SEX”.  Those were the doctor paranormal ghostbusters ( Rakshanda Khan with sexy, pink rimmed spectacles) orders as seen in the previous episode. And definitely, “NO SEX AFTER WATCHING MMS”. But these orders were given to a bunch of hormone-driven college students with hot bodies, zero brains and childish voices. How can they possibly resist watching MMS videos and then not tear off each other’s clothes even if it comes at the price of death at the hands of a frustrated ghost??

In the first six episodes as mentioned in the review here, a college called MMS is haunted and a CD with a MMS scandal keeps appearing out of nowhere. People who watch it die soon after and eventually, a paranormal specialist warns everyone against sex. As one of the students puts it, she is more of a “mood buster” than a “ghost buster”.

So what do they do? They try to get rid of the ghost with plenty of screaming and burning skeletons because apparently the ghost stays upset until its unfinished cremation rites are performed.

And of course, the moment the students believe the spirit has been put to rest, they party and get ready to strip. And how!

Meanwhile, getting back to the sketchy skeleton of the horror story plot, a past in the college is revealed. Some fabulous shots of Ragini seen walking alone at night, framed between two tree branches and getting sucked right into a hole, the dark outdoors, black smoke swooshing around and doors suddenly slamming shut are enticingly chilling enough to keep you hooked.

The cinematography (Hanoz VK and Anubhav Bansal)  gets better with each episode and the performances gets worse and unintentionally funny. At one point in the final episode, the school principal — the only man in the frame — is flanked on both sides by scared women at a really crucial juncture. But the women squeal so badly and the man looks more flummoxed than scared that the entire shot looks straight out of a slapstick comedy than a horror flick.

More hilarious drama is seen in bathrooms with cat fights where a bright pink bra is used to swing Sonia around in circles. This kind of a college does not exist in even Karan Johar’s wildest fantasy. As for a parallel track, which had started off with the sultry Riya Sen atop her groom-to-be, appears ever so briefly with a forced connection to the main plot.

But wait, do not just give up yet. A new character enters the scene. There is a super, hot ‘climax’ scene in the final episode which is more suspense-worthy than the the mystery behind the deaths. The consequence of the final sex act, does not quite make sense but who cares? Karishma Sharma in red, lacy undies and another bare body may make you sweat more than skulls in red nauvari sarees. The erotica mercury shoots up like never before on Indian screen. Ragini MMS Returns season 1 is the new and hilarious 50 Shades of Indian Grey.