Quantico trailer: With a Sonia-meets-Salman accent, Priyanka Chopra turns FBI agent

Dear Claire Danes, beware of Priyanka Chopra. If you don’t believe us, ask Justin Bieber who nearly had a meltdown a couple of years back thinking she would be declared the reigning star of auto-tune instead of him. Our third most significant import to America (after butter chicken and Freida Pinto because we refuse to claim Anil Kapoor from MI4), is all set to storm the country’s television screens as agent Alex Parrish, a ‘half-Caucasian and half-Indian origin’ trainee FBI agent. Now, to put things in perspective for Chopra’s desi fans, FBI/CIA is to American television, what a adarsh, sanskaari, sobbing bahu is to Indian TV. By those standards, Chopra may have hit it big. But not out of the park, if the trailer of ABC’s Quantico is anything to go by. [caption id=“attachment_2241682” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Priyanka Chopra in Quantico.[/caption] The trailer starts with the following lines: “My name is Alex Parrish. Protecting our country has always been my dream.” Sadly, that could be a line out of a children’s fancy dress competition held in schools during Independence Day. Translate it into Hindi, and you can almost see Suniel Shetty mouthing such a line in Border. Now, Parrish may declare that she is dying to ‘protect’ America, but her accent is that of a shuddh desi Splitsvilla aspirant - you know, the one that sounds like a cross between Sonia Gandhi and Salman Khan. She is also equally excited at the mere sight of the male species. So, on her way to the FBI academy, she meets a fellow passenger called Ryan Booth. The moment she sets eyes on him, Chopra/Parrish puts on her best Aitraaz face. It soon leads to a lot of grunting inside a SUV suggesting that much sex has been had. Then she ends up in the said Academy which is apparently the best boot camp-cum-college-cum-incubator of men with hot bodies. You know, there is a black woman instructor (who else will play the loyal sidekick otherwise, duh!), a woman in a hijab, a blonde man, a blonde dorky girl dying to get laid and the Adam Levine lookalike who is Parrish’s sex-giver in the show. There’s also a very shrivelled man who is the cold blooded boss, who seems to be making the same face as a T-Rex does in Jurassic Park films before it strikes. So you basically have the college guide to writing a thriller for American television in place with Priyanka Chopra in the lead. In other words, it’s Agent Vinod with Priyanka Chopra in the lead and an American boy playing Kareena Kapoor. Then there’s a a blast and Chopra’s held guilty for it. She has to prove her innocence and that’s what Quantico is really all about. Now if that’s not hotter than the tropics, pray what is? Watch the trailer here.