Nach Baliye 6: Dancing with absolute nobodies

Rarely am I left speechless, especially while talking about a television show. But for once, even I am gobsmacked. Not because I’m shocked, but because of the sheer, mind-numbing boredom inspired by the lineup of stars – if you can call them that - in the new season of Nach Baliye. [caption id=“attachment_1224231” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Screengrab from Nach Baliye. Image courtesy Youtube.[/caption] This is the sixth season of the dance and reality show, in which celebrity couples display their dancing chops. The only problem is, there are only so many TV celebrities in Mumbai and so, six seasons later, it seems finding a participant with a recognisable face is a challenge. Wait, I take that back. There’s the chap who plays Palak in Comedy Nights With Kapil. His name is Kiku and he dances like a dream – a little reminiscent of Govinda in his heyday. But that’s where the ray of sunshine begins and ends on the programme. Just to spread my misery, I’ve drawn up a list of the five things that stood out for me and the wisdom I’ve gleaned from watching Nach Baliye. 1. This is the biggest congregation of nobodies. It’s as though the show kidnapped anyone who had been passing through Mumbai’s Film City. Hell, even Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao had managed a better assortment of “talent”. The two people I recognised were Kiku and Raju Srivastav, and that’s saying something given how much TV I end up watching. 2. If someone is an amputee and they’re on Nach Baliye, the cruel truth is that they’re going to be stared at like they are the bearded lady. But the way the judges were staring at double amputee Vinod was appalling even my estimation, and I’m among those who has no qualms saying that if Vinod is coming on a television show then he’s obviously comfortable being the object of curious stares. However, what’s he’s being subjected to reminds me of the way we used to stare at the Litigon in the Kolkata Zoo. For those who don’t know their exotic animals, the Litigon is the second generation hybrid from a female tigon. 3. Something very bad has happened to Terence Lewis. He has a head of russet hair and seems to be trying to look like Ranveer Singh from Ram Leela. While that is neither something to aspire to nor difficult to achieve, Lewis has managed to transform himself into the misbegotten offspring of Ranveer Singh and the Phantom of the Opera. Nothing else explains why he was wearing a velvet jacket opened till below his breasts, I mean, pectorals. Also, his waxed shiny chest is blinding.  4. Waxed chests are a theme this season, clearly, since along with Lewis, the two hosts flashed their own too. At one point, the hosts had their glistening torsos on display while Lewis pranced around shirtless, and you had to wonder where the queer movement was heading in this country. The only saving grace was that Sajid Khan kept his clothes on. 5. Shilpa Shetty may not have much of a career as an actress, but she does have one of the most stunning figures in Bollywood. It’s so good that you often forget the Michael Jackson nose. She also acts as a reminder that a lot of good can come out of participating in reality shows. So people like me should shut our pie-holes in respect for her oeuvre as a reality show queen. You can watch Nach Baliye 6 every Saturday and Sunday on Star Plus at 9pm. Disclaimer: Firstpost is a part of the Network18 group which owns TV channels that compete with Star Plus