Jimmy Kimmel's best lines as the host of the Emmy Awards 2016: Sandwiches, anyone?

FP Staff

Sep 19, 2016 15:24:29 IST

Jimmy Kimmel swore he wanted the 68th Primetime Emmy Awards to move faster and feel shorter than in past years, and in that respect, the ABC late-night host kept his word.

Jimmy Kimmels best lines as the host of the Emmy Awards 2016: Sandwiches, anyone?

The Awards evening was one of the funniest in Emmy history with lines like these from the monologue:

“If your show doesn’t have a dragon or a White Bronco in it, go home now.”

“Television has the ability to make us laugh and cry and, during certain key parts of Game of Thrones, masturbate.”

He had plenty to say about People Vs OJ Simpson: “Because everyone in LA knows if you want to win, sit next to Marcia Clark. Marcia, this must be very strange for you.

Are you rooting for OJ to win this time?”

Here are the host's best lines from the show:

Matt Damon's back
The funniest 11-year-old running gag returned with Jimmy Kimmel and Matt Damon trying to one-up each other. The feud reached a new level of outrageousness when Matt Damon walked up on stage just after the host of the night failed to take home the Emmy for Best Variety Talk Series.

The Bourne actor strolled onstage, munching an apple and asking Kimmel if he won the award which went to John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight.

Damon tells the host, “I’m sorry, I mean, you lost, but now you gotta stand out here for the rest of the night in front of everybody, when you probably just wanna go home and curl up and cry. Can we cheer Jimmy up? He’s a big loser.”

PBJs at the Emmys
Remember the time when Ellen de Generes decided to order pizza at the Oscars?

Pizza was too mainstream for Jimmy Kimmel, who decided to ask his mother to make 7,000 peanut butter and jelly (PBJ) sandwiches and had the young stars from Stranger Things ride bikes, handing out lunch bags.

He says, “I know a lot of you haven’t eaten since Labor Day. So I have a surprise for you.” He also warns the guests, “If you are allergic to peanuts, I guess this is goodbye, we could only afford one epi pen.”

That's the wrong Amy
Amy Schumer received a fan letter from Jimmy’s mom (in the brown paper bag with her PBJ) going on about how much she wished Amy had hosted the award show and going on and on… but she was talking about Amy Poehler, not Amy Schumer.

Bye Bye Bill Cosby
Clearly no one wanted Bill Cosby at this year’s Emmys. When the announcer introduced Bill Cosby as the next presenter, the audience looked stunned. Ellie Kemper tried to just smile while Tina Fey was seen inaudibly talking to Amy Poehler. Kimmel then walked onstage and said, “Don’t worry. He’s not really here. I just wanted to see what you guys would do.”

Jeb Bush mocks himself
In the very memorable opening segment, Kimmel wound up in a limo driven by former GOP candidate Jeb Bush.

“Are you nominated?” Bush asks Kimmel, who was looking for a ride to the awards ceremony. “Wow, what’s that like?”

Bush also offered this advice to the late-night host: “Here’s what I know, If you run a positive campaign, the voters will ultimately make the right choice.”This was a reference to Bush's rival Trump ofcourse.

Bush took to twitter to comment on his performance too:

He had other plenty of funny lines like:

This is what he had to say about Transparent, the comedy about a transgender Mort (played by Jeffrey Tambor) and his dysfunctional family.
Transparent was born a drama but it identifies as a comedy.”

After commenting on the diversity of the Emmy nominations in comparison to the Oscars, and after seeing Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang win the award for Master of None, he joked, “Now there’s almost too much diversity in this show.”

Beyonce's visual album Lemonade lost out to Grease Live at Emmy Awards. Kimmel quipped, “I wouldn’t want to be those guys (the directors of Grease Live!) when Kanye finds out they beat Beyoncé.” Kanye West famously stormed the stage when Beyonce lost out to Taylor Swift at the VMA’s back in 2009.

Updated Date: Sep 19, 2016 15:24:29 IST