Flashing a pink moustache, Govinda's back to offend you

It’s official. Bollywood is under siege by cleavages that think they can sing. We had Priyanka Chopra who sang for Rae Bareilly tourism, telling the world about how the city loves to party. We had Shekhar Suman singing “Kuch Khwab Aise”, a title that I presume referred to his son’s acting career. To complete this Bermuda triangle of mediocrity, we now have the one and only Govinda, jiggling his ample bosom to an inspired musical revelation (after getting kicked out of Parliament): “Party Da Mood”. [caption id=“attachment_129086” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  For those of you who don’t remember Govinda, he was India’s biggest comedic actor in the late 1900s[/caption] For those of you who don’t remember Govinda, he was India’s biggest comedic actor in the late 1900s, best known for having his films willingly appropriate the term ‘No. 1’ despite its traditional associations with bathroom-related activity. With fitter, more glamorous, chocolate boys populating the Indian silver screen, he quit movies for a while before being dusted out of the cupboard by Salman Khan in Partner. He did a few more films before being shelved at the back of the aisle once again. What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is what is commonly referred to as a mid-life crisis. A famous star wakes up one morning to find himself selling sandhi-sudha tablets to immortal Indian grandmothers. He realises that his career must not be going too well if Alok Nath is giving him the “Beta partition ka dard abhi bhi hota hai” look. His life flashes before his eyes and he realises he was once excellent at dancing in front of random white people in foreign locations. “WHY CAN’T I DANCE THE SAME WAY FOR CHEAPER NOW THAT WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO EASILY AVAILABLE IN INDIA AND BECOME FAMOUS ALL OVER AGAIN?” he thinks. Thus, “Party Da Mood” is born.

I urge you all to watch this music video because it is the closest you will come to Technicolor unicorn vomit moving at 25 frames per second. Govinda is in “party mode”, since it is spelled out in the title that this video is a “party song”. He walks suspiciously behind a beautiful model while wearing subtle disguises such as gold sunglasses in the shape of dollar signs and a pink moustache to distract her from his subtle red velvet jacket. The model, now thinking of firing her manager for getting her into this, realises that her neon lime shirt and pink skirt are actually Govinda’s. She smiles and random white women and men decide to take a splash in what looks like a pool full of algae. Govinda then unleashes his lyrical genius. “Party Da Mood Pintoo Party Da Mood. Chal Pinto dance karle don’t be rude”. We, of course, have no idea who this gentleman named Pintoo is, unless Govinda has an alter ego named Pintoo, in which case some therapy is in order. The lyrics them become cosmopolitan and go international: “London ho ya USA, pad jaati sab yoon aise. Bin bulaaye aati sab bank mein jo ho paise”. The girls ignore his accusations that they are loose and gold diggers and continue to dance around him because they are in, you guessed it, party da mood. Finally, in his finest comedic moment since Raja Babu – where he stuck his thumb on Karishma Kapoor’s tongue – Govinda offends nearly 800 million people in the span of eight seconds. First, he mimics Baba Ramdev. If like me, you too fantasised about Govinda, with a fake beard, convulsing his stomach while wearing cycling shorts, your wish has been granted. Second, he turns into Devdas standing next to a bar while another human being dressed as a tree hovers behind him, That sound you hear is Devdas author Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay asking for a very stiff drink while rolling in his grave with horror and embarrassment. I, of course, have no idea why Govinda switches into these characters, but this is perhaps the best social message that can be inserted in a music video if you’re nicknamed Chi Chi. Are you, like me, going to take the plunge and make this song your caller tune? Or will you wait for the next song just to see if it gets even better? I can hardly wait.