Game of Thrones season 7: Best Bromance to MVPs, our picks for the most deserving Westerosi

Rohini Nair

Sep 04, 2017 08:27:00 IST

Seven weeks have whizzed by, and yet another season of Game of Thrones is behind us now. And so our lives must continue, until 2019, without the company of our favourite bunch of Westerosi. But before we turn our gaze to other pop culture phenomena to fill up our suddenly empty days with, here's a quick 'Best Of' look at season 7: You played fast and loose with logic at times, but we still loved you.

So without much further ado, here's our list of honours for Game of Thrones season 7. We expect the characters to come pick up their trophies (they're nice little gold-plated replicas of these particular figurines) anytime now.

Announcing in no particular order:

1. Best Westeros Date Ever

The nominees are — Sam and Gilly, for burning the midnight oil and poring over old scrolls; Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, for attending a cave-painting art exhibition; Dany and Jon, for the boat ride from Eastwatch to Dragonstone; Dany and Jon (again), for cabin-cuddling on the boat ride from Dragonstone to  Winterfell; Cersei and Jaime, for the time they (allegedly) made another Lannister baby; Grey Worm and Missandei, for that time they did 'many things'.

The winners: Dany and Jon, for the cabin-cuddling! Westeros isn't the friendliest place for lovers and we have proof, but by making time for each other even as they battled the dead, the living and the fact of being related by blood, Dany and Jon gave us #CoupleGoals.

Game of Thrones season 7: Best Bromance to MVPs, our picks for the most deserving Westerosi

Dany and Jon schedule some cuddle time. Still from Game of Thrones. Image via HBO

2. Best Strategising in Westeros

The nominees are — Tyrion, for guiding Dany's conquest plans; Cersei, for challenging Dany's conquest plans; the Stark siblings, for besting Lord Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish; Jon Snow, for getting Dany to agree to go sailing with him to White Harbour.

The winner is: Jon, for getting Dany to agree to go sailing with him. Was this really the best strategising shown by a Game of Thrones character in season 7, you may ask. In reply, we point to all the obstacles that Jon had to overcome to get Dany on that boat — Ser Jorah's excellent plan of having Dany fly in on Drogon, Tyrion's suspicious gaze, everybody pretty much figuring out all that talk about 'being seen as allies' was a ruse to spend time with Dany. Ygritte may have thought he knew nothing, but as Jon Snow showed, he's the smoothest playah in Westeros.

3. Threw off Bad Influences with the Most Sass

The nominees are — Jaime Lannister, for finally leaving sis Cersei and her schemes behind; Sansa Stark, for turning the tables on Littlefinger

And it's a tie! Sansa delivered the coolest comeback to Petyr Baelish ('I'm a slow learner. But I learn. Thank you for your many lessons, Lord Baelish') which would have totally won her this prize. But there was something so emotionally satisfying in finally seeing Jaime turn his back on Cersei and ride away to the North. So Jaime, Sansa — please share the honours.

4. Person Who Showed They Had Surprisingly Good Taste

There were no nominees in this category, as there was only one contender — head and shoulders ahead of the rest of the field.

The winner is: the wight who was brought back from beyond the Wall. As soon as the Hound tipped its box over, what did that wight do? It ran straight for Cersei! Now, we know you'll say, 'Duh! She was just the one who was in its direct line of vision, and wights probably attack what lies straight ahead.' But we say, 'No, that wight knew what it was doing. And how we wish it had succeeded.'

5. Soldiered on, Despite being Screwed Over

The nominees are — Samwell Tarly, for cleaning the chamberpots and latrines of the Citadel; Gendry, for being brought back after three seasons of straight rowing only to (i) be asked to run a marathon, (ii) be accused by the Hound of 'whingeing', (iii) have his precious war hammer taken away by Tormund, and (iv) become the subject of Forrest Gump memes; Jon's direwolf Ghost, for being so cruelly cut out of season 7 because the budget had to be saved for the dragons (hmpf).

The winner is: Gendry. Because we fear that if he doesn't get something for his trouble, Robert Baratheon's bastard is going to be very, very miffed. And who knows, we may need him to run some more.

6. For a Pioneering Medical Breakthrough in Westeros

There was only one contender in this category.

And he is: Samwell Tarly, for successfully curing Ser Jorah's greyscale! It was yucky and disgusting, but Sam persisted in the face of overwhelming odds, and got Ser Jorah all better. Hurray for Samwell!

7. Coolest Thing in Westeros

The nominees are — fermented crab meat; flaming swords; Dany's winter coat; dragon-nuzzling Jon-style (not a thing really, but we had to put it in that moment with Drogon somewhere).

For the win: Flaming swords! Show us more, Ser Berric!

8. Most Dramatic Death

The nominees are — Lord Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish, for death by being-too-smart-for-his-own-good; a hall-full of Freys, for death by vengeance; Lady Olenna Tyrell, for death by poisoned wine; the Sandsnakes, for death by Cersei's wrath; Ellaria Sand, (also) for death by Cersei's wrath; Benjen Stark, for death by being-sacrificed-for-the-greater-good; Lord Randyll and Dickon Tarly, for death by dragonfire; Thoros, for death by being mistaken for Leonardo diCaprio in The Revenant; Viserion, for death by well-aimed ice spear; the Wall, for death by plot requirement.

The winner is: the Wall.

9. Best at Mass Extermination

The nominees are — Aya Stark, for getting rid of every last member of House Frey; the Night King, for getting rid of anyone who stands in his path; Dany, for mowing down fields of Lannister soldiers, and wights from the army of the dead; the Dothraki, for making mincemeat of Lannister soldiers even as they performed graceful stunts on horseback.

The winner is: (a tough call, but) Daenerys.

10. Best Uncle in Westeros

The nominees are — Euron Greyjoy and Benjen Stark.

And for the win: Benjen Stark!

(Note: Ned Stark was considered the fore-runner for this honour. However, since most Westerosi are unaware of his contributions to the well-being of one Aegon Targaryen Jon Snow, we're not publicly naming him until such time as Bran and Sam drop their bombshell.)

Benjen Stark — Best. Uncle. Ever.

Benjen Stark — Best. Uncle. Ever. Still from Game of Thrones season 7. Image via HBO

11. Person with Most Foresight

The nominees are: Ser Jorah Mormont, for asking Jon to hold on to Longclaw, and pass it on to his children (and oh, at least one of those kids is on the way); Melisandre, for asking Dany to send for Jon, and making 'fire and ice' meet.

The winner is: All hail Ser Jorah!

12. MVPs of the Season

There are no nominees for this category; this is an honour bequeathed to three Westerosi who rocked the most.

And they are: Sandor 'the Hound' Clegane, Tormund Giantsbane and Ser Davos. Westeros would be a dull, dull place without you.

MVPs of Westeros: The Hound, Ser Davos, Tormund

MVPs of Westeros: The Hound, Ser Davos, Tormund

13. Bromance of the Season

The nominees are — Jon and Ser Jorah, Bronn and Jaime, Tormund and the Hound

The winners: Bronn and Jaime! The sellsword who was once the companion of Tyrion Lannister has grown to be Jaime's greatest ally too. For knocking Jaime out of the way of a very angry Drogon and hauling him out of the depths of a river — gold hand, sword, suit of armour at el — Bronn gets massive brownie points.

14. Best Sibling Meet-Up in Westeros

The nominees are — Sansa-Arya, Sansa-Bran, Arya-Bran, the Hound-Ser Gregor 'The Mountain' Clegane, Tyrion-Jaime, Cersei-Tyrion

For the win: Sansa and Arya's awkward reunion in the Winterfell crypts.

The Stark sisters at Winterfell. Still from Game of Thrones season 7. Image via HBO

The Stark sisters at Winterfell. Still from Game of Thrones season 7. Image via HBO

15. Best Non-Sibling Meet-Up in Westeros

The nominees are — Jon-Dany at Dragonstone; Tyrion-Jon at Dragonstone; the Hound-Brienne by the Dragonpit; Jorah-Dany, (also) at Dragonstone. (Were long-listed but didn't make the final cut: Tyrion-Bronn, Tyrion-Pod, Brienne-Jaime and Ser Davos-Gendry.)

And the winning meet-up: Jon and Dany, at Dragonstone. If they survive the revelation that they're nephew-aunt, Jon's claim to the Iron Throne, the Night King, Cersei and George RR Martin's pen (or keyboard), we can totally picture Jon and Dany telling their grandkids about how they met: 'So Missandei went on and on about all of your grandmother's titles, and Ser Davos, he forgot to bring up that I was King in the North!'

16. The Most Aggravating Folks in Westeros

The nominees are — the maesters at the Citadel, for being utterly obtuse; the King's Landing crowds, for pretty much being turncoats (one season they're pelting rotting veggies at Cersei, the next they're giving her minion Euron Greyjoy, a hero's welcome); the Ironborn, for never agreeing to Theon's plans without a fight.

The winners: We've declared a three-way tie in this category as all nominees were perfectly matched for sheer levels of dunder-headed-ness.

17. Best Advice given by a Westerosi this Season

The nominees are — Hot Pie for that hot tip on how to make the perfect pie crust (you first brown the butter); Tyrion, for trying to get Dany to choose a successor, dole out less fatal punishments etc; the ghost of Ned Stark, for drilling into his kids the importance of having each other's backs; the Hound, for telling the overly curious Lannister soldier who wanted to touch the wight's box: 'F**k off!'.

And the winner is: Hot Pie, for the tip about browning the butter!

Sorry, we got the wrong envelope! The winner is Ned Stark, for this handy bit of advice: 'When the snows fall, and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.' Hear, hear.

18. Best Homecoming in Westeros

The nominees are — Dany at Dragonstone, Arya at Winterfell, Bran at Winterfell

And the winner: Arya at Winterfell.

19. Best Leave-Taking Ever

The nominees are — Bran-Meera Reed; Nymeria-Arya; Jorah-Dany; Jaime-Cersei

(We've just heard from Meera Reed, and she wanted Bran disqualified. So we're only considering the other three contenders in this category.)

For the win: Ser Jorah and Daenerys Targaryen.

We have a string of other honours, recognising the individual contributions of certain Westerosi:

20. Best at Knee-Bending: Jon Snow

21. Best Correspondent: Ser Jorah, for this letter.

22. Worst Correspondent: Jon Snow, for this letter.

23. Best Lurker in the Shadows: A tie between Petyr Baelish, and Tyrion Lannister, who put in quite the compelling last-minute show.

24. Best Bodyguard: The Mountain

25. Best Judge of Character: Tormund Gianstbane vis-à-vis the Hound ('You're not mean, you've got sad eyes.' Aww.)

26. Tyrant of the Year: Cersei Lannister

Cersei does what she does best. Still from Game of Thrones season 7. Image via HBO

Cersei does what she does best. Still from Game of Thrones season 7. Image via HBO

27. Most Inspiring Speech Delivered in Westeros: Theon Greyjoy, and the speech titled 'For Yara!' (we feel especially happy for him seeing as how the last time he gave a rousing speech, he was knocked on the head, thrown into a sack, and handed over to Ramsay Snow/Bolton.)

28. Best TED Talk in Westeros: Jon Snow, with help from Ser Davos, on 'How Best To Kill A Wight'.

29. Best Live Performance of an Original Musical Number: Ed Sheeran for that rendition of 'Hands of Gold' in a forest clearing — knowing full well that performing/writing songs about the Lannisters, apart from the officially sanctioned 'Rains of Castamere', is likely to leave you tongue-less (or finger-less, depending on what you choose).

30. Most Deserving of the Iron Throne: Ramin Djawadi, for coming up with another killer of a score. We'll be listening to you on loop for a long, long time.

Updated Date: Sep 04, 2017 08:27:00 IST