Dumping of Hrithik Roshan: Why hotties make for bad husbands

When Sussanne walked out on Hrithik Roshan, most women were not surprised. Great male beauty is all very well up on the celluloid screen, but no wise woman wants it in her real life. We may all lust or even yearn for Adonis, but no one really wants to marry him. (With due apologies to the wonderful, intelligent and devoted hottie hubbies out there.) This wisdom, of course, comes with age, for much like men, we spend most of our youth in the pursuit of good-looks – ours and those of our potential lovers. We are conditioned to do so in a culture that worships beauty, making it the primary attribute that trumps all others. The fairytales tell us so, as do those Mills & Boons romances. Mr Right is always hot. No young girl grows up dreaming of a loving if unattractive Prince Charming. Hence, we envy the lucky women who land our teenage heartthrobs, be they high school cuties or movie stars. Ooh to have such devoted eye candy on our arm. That’s until we grow up and wisen up to the many hazards of a good-looking mate. Most women may not state it openly, but many quietly agree: Picking a hottie hubby is hazardous to marital health. [caption id=“attachment_1296585” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Hrithik Roshan issued a statement saying his wife wanted to separate from him. AFP.[/caption] Evolutionary psychologists ascribe the ability of unattractive men to find highly attractive spouses to the age old exchange of beauty and power. This may well hold true for traditional marriages where suitable boys are rated by their financial prospects while good looks is still an important criteria when touting the virtues of a suitable bride.  But male beauty doesn’t gain any premium even in societies where women have gained greater financial independence. American women in 2008 placed attractiveness at #12 on a list of desirable traits in a potential mate. (It came in at #8 for men, but well below intelligence which was ranked at #4. Both genders picked ’love’ as their #1 reason.) Research in the United States also shows that pretty boys may be eminently lustworthy but they usually don’t make great husband material – even less so if they happen to be prettier than their spouse. A separate study conducted by UCLA and University of Tennessee researchers found that couples where the man was better looking experienced greater problems. “It’s possible that a man who is less attractive than his partner feels so grateful to be with her that he works harder to maintain the relationship, amping up the amount of emotional support and kindness he provides,” says Benjamin R. Karney, Ph.D., a professor of social psychology at UCLA. “Yet a man who is better looking than his partner knows he has lots of other options besides his mate, so he’s less committed to providing the emotional support long term relationships need to thrive.” “In fact, among couples where the husband was the looker, both partners supported each other less,” says Karney. “That implies when the husband disengages emotionally, the wife follows suit. Then no one is happy — it’s a vicious cycle.” The more financially independent the woman, the more likely she is to value traits like real love (#1), dependability (#2), and emotional maturity and stability (#3). Traits that are less likely to be found in a good-looking mate with plenty of opportunities to stray or opt out. As author John Gray concedes to Forbes, a modern woman is more likely to prioritise her emotional needs: Gray says that he’s observed a shift in marriage because of women’s education and work. Women now receive 60% of college degrees and comprise half the workforce. “When she has a good job, her security needs are met, and she looks for a man to provide emotional support,” says Gray. Women are looking for partners who are romantic, supportive, good communicators and will be helpful on the home front, Gray says. Ergo, a narcissistic movie star who spends the greater part of his life in a gym is not exactly the ideal husband. And it is telling that one of the rumored reasons for the split is “Sussane’s terminal boredom with her husband who, she felt, had become obsessed with his career and his undeniable good looks. The wife felt neglected.” Mumbai gossip has it that the final straw came when Sussanne – in the midst of a heated marital spat – noticed her husband was a little distracted… by his own beautiful pecs. The rumor may well be untrue, but it possesses the allure of sweet justice. After centuries of  husbands whining about their pretty but vacuous wives, this may well be the first time a man got publicly dumped for being a bimbo – an immensely wealthy and powerful one at that.