Amit Sahni ki List review: Vir Das stars in a boring, shallow rom-com

My brain has it easy today – Amit Sahni Ki List, a fluffy rom-com directed by Ajay Bhuyan, is so eminently forgettable that I had to google the director’s name half an hour after seeing the credits roll. Or maybe forgetfulness is my brain’s defense mechanism against the sight of a robotic Vir Das dancing to a lazily-produced end-credits number that has the chorus ‘What the fark?’ (These words appear on screen as text to assure us that no offence was intended). By the end of the film, there were only two questions to which I wanted answers: 1) Who is this movie for? It’s glossy, urban world is far removed from the single-screens of Allahabad and Ajmer. Multiplex-goers in the metros have access to all the Hollywood rom-coms and TV shows by which this film has been inspired. So on what basis was this film even green-lit? 2) When will stand-up comic Vir Das realise that his acting career, if we can call it that, isn’t quite working out the way he’d planned? [caption id=“attachment_1624427” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Courtesy: Facebook[/caption] It’s not that Amit Sahni Ki List is the worst movie of its kind, but there is a key difference. Many bad movies show some signs of wanting to be good, thwarted sometimes because of factors beyond their control. Somewhere in the mess presented on screen, there is usually a glimmer of a good idea ruined by execution. Amit Sahni…, on the other hand, is a movie that never really had any ambition to begin with. It is a standard, paint-by-numbers story of a yuppie investment banker (Das as an awkward version of himself) is looking for love based on a list he made in college after a bad break-up. It appears to be a painful rehash of familiar plot-lines from sitcoms like Seinfeld, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, and more. There’s nothing wrong with putting an original spin on a familiar story – Woody Allen has made a career out of taking pretty much one plot and tweaking its details to make it seem like a new film – but what exactly is the original spin here? A running gag (again, using that word loosely) about a pug named Noni Singhji who appears periodically with a thought bubble over his head? Face, meet palm. The story is told in flashback with that weakest of narrative devices – a voice-over by Das who sounds a bit annoyed every time he has to switch from English to Hindi. It progresses thusly: scene-montage-scene-montage and so on, with Bhuyan never letting a take last too long, presumably in the hope that the constant cutting will help the audience ignore the mediocre acting. In the first half, we’re introduced to manic pixie dream girl Mala (Vega Tamotia), a dancer/violinist/adventure sports enthusiast and, therefore, not right for Amit at all, who worships at the altar of good wine, fancy restaurants, Sachin Tendulkar, and his BMW. But sure enough, after initial hiccups, he falls for her, although the film neglects to mention why she fell for an insipid fellow like him. Tamotia is this film’s sole bright spark and her performance, while still average, possesses a hint of genuineness. The same can’t be said of Anindita Nayar, who plays the other female lead. As Devika Dev, best defined as Veronica Lodge in a business suit, Nayar is utterly charmless and monotonous. However, Amit doesn’t agree and so he breaks his engagement with Mala to pursue a relationship with Nayar. The remainder of the story can be summed up with this click-bait headline: What Happens Next Will Neither Shock You Nor Amaze You, Because You’ve Seen It A Hundred Times Before’. Meanwhile, Das’s voice-over tries to keep things exciting with lines like, “Beer se clarity nahi aayi, magar susu aayi” and “Mere life mein aaya depression ka sequel, yaani depression part two”. Poor writers. If only they had access to a successful stand-up comedian to help them write the funny bits. Suprateek Chatterjee is creative head of Visual Disobedience, a community for emerging indie artists, and a freelance writer. In his spare time, he likes to play guitar, compose music, and indulge in Wikipedia free-fall. His Twitter handle is @SupraMario.