Terminator Genisys is so disappointing, you'll need a time machine to eliminate its memory

Back in 1984, Terminator Genisys writers Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier are taking a walk on a pleasant evening in a San Francisco park. They pick up ice cream and chat about movies. [caption id=“attachment_2325246” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator Genisys. Image from Facebook.[/caption] Suddenly there’s a gust of wind, their ice cream cones blow into each others’ faces, electric sparks burst out on the road next to them, a giant sphere forms out of thin air, there’s vapor everywhere. The vapor slowly dissipates, to reveal a nude man crouching on the ground. As passers by back away in fear, the nude man slowly gets up, and walks towards Kalogridis and Lussier, who stand frozen, still with ice cream on their faces, staring at the figure approaching them. The man speaks in a thick Austrian accent – “Come with me if you want to live”. “What..”, Kalogridis and Lussier blurt out in unison, “where?” “Something terrible has happened in the year 2015,” the nude Austrian man says, “I am here to change that.” “What do you mean?” Kalogridis and Lussier ask. ‘In 2015 both of you grow up to become Hollywood scriptwriters. One script of yours turns into a movie so terrible it caused a global disaster.’ ‘W.. what disaster?’ The nude Austrian draws closer, ‘Billions of people watched the movie and killed themselves instantly.’ Kalogridis and Lussier gasp in unison. Half a kilometer away another little electric storm bursts on the street, another sphere begins to appear. Meanwhile the ice cream covered Kalogridis and Lussier are staring at the nude Austrian man’s giant Austrian manhood. “It’s human tissue over endoskeleton,” he says, “it’s just for show”. Kalogridis and Lussier nod in unison. Half a kilometer away the vapor around the second sphere begins to dissipate. A curious beggar approaches to see what the hell is happening. The naked Austrian is now in a hurry, “Look, someone’s coming, you’re both in great danger, are you gonna come with me to live or not?” “Whaa.. Who’s coming?” “He’s also from the future” The sphere’s vapor makes way to reveal another naked man with his face facing the ground. The beggar looks scared. “He’s coming”, the Austrian naked guy says, “and he’s more dangerous than I am.” The beggar approaches the sphere. The figure inside stretches out his hand, silver liquid oozes out of his fingers, and jumps at the beggar’s face who screams. “Wait who are you?” Kalogridis and Lussier ask the Austrian man in unison. Before he can reply, a blast rings over their heads. They turn to see a sinister figure approaching them. It’s another naked man, slimmer but a glint of vengeance in his eyes, and hands shaped like sharp swords. “Geth daaoun!,” the Austrian says, as he grabs hold of Kalogridis and Lussier and begins sprinting at great speed. News channels are now reporting helicopter shots of a muscular naked man holding two people and running in the streets, being chased by another naked man seemingly throwing knife like objects from his hands. The Austrian takes a sharp left, and Lussier slips, and grabs hold of the Austrian manhood to avoid falling. He’s now being dragged along the road at great speed while holding on to it. Silver knives whoosh by his face as their naked pursuer approaches them. The Austrian enters a safe area inside an abandoned mall and stops. “Wait a minute dammit,” Kalogridis and Lussier say in unison, “Who are you?” “I am T-800’, the Austrian says, ‘sent from the year 2015 by John Connor, the CEO of Paramount Pictures. My mission is to protect you.” “Protect us from what?” “From the guy chasing you” “Why is he chasing us?’. Kalogridis and Lussier are now exasperated, ‘Who is he?” “He was the biggest fan of a movie called The Terminator. In the year 2015, you both wrote the most unnecessary and irritating sequel to The Terminator. He watched it, and it was so awful it destroyed his childhood. He became so angry he built a time machine to travel back in time to kill you before you could get into the movie business.” Kalogridis and Lussier are staring at the Austrian in horror. ‘His name is T-Fadnavis.’ “Oh god,” Lussier says, “I think I’m going to shit in my pants!” “Why do humans shit in their pants? It’s something I can never understand”. T-Fadnavis suddenly walks in. Kalogridis and Lussier scream. “There’s no one around to hear you,” the Austrian says, as he bolts the door. Kalogridis and Lussier are shivering in fear. T-Fadnavis is staring at them with bloodshot life threatening eyes. “What? You thought I was going to save you two?” The T-800 guffaws, “I watched the movie too, it was craptastic,” he says in his thick Austrian accent, “plot twist, bitches”. The two naked men walk towards Kalogridis and Lussier who are now screaming like maniacs. T-Fadnavis’ liquid metal hands turn into multiplex popcorn trays, and he clobbers Kalogridis and Lussier with them until they drop dead. T-800 and T-Fadnavis utter in unison: “Hasta La Vista babies”. T-800 spots a swimming pool next to him. He looks at T-Fadnavis and they both exchange a knowing nod. T-800 slowly climbs into the pool, going deeper into the water with every step. T-Fadnavis throws a duck shaped flotation raft into the pool. T-800 puts it around his waist, and gives him a thumbs up. He slowly walks further into the depths of the pool, his raised thumb sticking out of the water, until it finally goes under. T-Fadnavis turns and slowly walks back to his sphere. The beggar is still sitting next to it in shock. T-Fadnavis approaches and stares at him. His hand oozes some liquid metal that drops on the ground. The ooze slowly separates into various droplets, which slowly morph into round, fresh silver coins. “Those are for you”, T-Fadnavis growls. The beggar looks incredulously, then proceeds to take the coins in a hurry. “There’s a movie theater a mile away, playing a movie called The Terminator. Use those coins to watch it”. The beggar nods appreciatively. T-Fadnavis enters the sphere, his frown slowly turns into a smile, and disappears.