Seeing Singham Returns through the eyes of a policeman

By Rohit Kulkarni

The oddest thing happened while I was watching Singham Returns in Pune. As the screen was filled with the khaki of police uniforms, something shifted in me and I felt like someone had taken over my mind. Someone named PSI Madhav Jadhav.

Then again, considering the fact that for generations the men in my family have wanted to join the police force but had their dreams thwarted by pragmatism and middle class brahmin Maharashtrianism, it isn’t so odd. Perhaps there is a PSI Madhav Jadhav in all of us wannabe policemen.

PSI Madhav Jadhav, it turns out, is a rather talkative chap, so he had a lot to say while watching Singham Returns. Here’s are selected excerpts of his monologue…

Finally I’m watching Singham Returns on Tuesday afternoon with family - you see, before that was Dahi-Handi bandobast, and before that Swatantrya Din. Tuesday finally, I am taking a half-day and going with missuss (mine only haan! Hahaha!) and my second son to watch the film. Kaay aahe, mothya mulichi daahavi aahe, [what it is you see, elder daughter is in 10th standard, board exams> so she’s not allowed to watch any movies this whole year at all. And see, once I say no, means no only.

Thank god this film was full paisa vasool. Actually, you see, last movie I took missess for was that Talaash. I thought it has Aamir Khan so it will be like that, what was it called, Khargosh? No, Sarfarosh, haan, Sarfarosh. But baapre, so different it was. So sad, very depressing. She — means my missuss — did not speak to me for four full days afterwards. That was okay, but didn’t even make dabba! Now what to say?

But this Singham Returns was very good. First thing I’m seeing - movie thanks Vishwas Nangre Patil. I am knowing then only that film will be good. He is real hero. Ask anyone. If he is advising Singham saheb, then this is high class.

Missuss was grumbling at first that it is all action-baazi and all, but I’m disagreeing. Yes, action is there, but so many real issues of us police force people. Very real. Missuss changed her mind like a car doing a u-turn when that constable’s wife is told to take bori-bistar out of quarters because her husband is dead.

See, question of housing quarters is genuine problem for all of us. Arre, forget for surviving family of dead policemen like they are showing in film, even serving policemen are having so many housing quarter problems. Situation is very serious. How can we protect others’ houses when we ourselves are staying in so bad conditions?

So Singham Returns is really very real type movie. Opening itself Rohit Shetty sir is giving statistic: Only 47,000 policemen for city of Mumbai which is having 1.84 crore peoples. I think Mumbai has more only. Everyday all these people from outside coming in train by train… .

But how to make all these people follow law and order when simple traffic rules they are not following?

This film is showing that and also how difficult it is to keep peace for religious outings. Also how these baba-log are all bogus - andha-shraddha is nonsense but shraddha is good [superstition is nonsense but faith is good>. See, like I told missuss and Pintu, religion is must. Ganpati will happen, Eid also should - yes, I’m liking modak and sheer-korma both, but with bandobast pressure, my diabetes is going up. And this movie is correctly showing all this.

See, in our job area, certain things are wrong but they are only right. Take for example, encounter situation. It is not right, yes, but sometimes it is not so wrong. In our Marathi, there is saying, “Navilaazaala ilaaz nasto” [there is no option when there is no option>. Like that Englishman Bruce Willis has once said, “A man has got to do, what a man has got to do.” Yes, I watch Hollywood films also. What you thought?

Of course I have not been in encounter. I’m only saying.

Nice thing about Singham Returns is that the filmy bits are there, but they are good filmy. Like Singham saheb giving leave to head constable to take wife to gaon. To have senior like that you need nasheeb baba. Arre, ikde I remember, my baiko is in labour pahilya khepela [I remember my wife was in labour for her first time> and I’m doing night shift! What to do? First duty and then beti.

Also, in this film, Singham saheb is shown as very clever man - but I’m personally knowing only very few senior officers to be like him… Very few. Also, I have not seen any police officer reciting sections of IPC like Pintu recites his 14 times table. But after so many years of seeing police being full fools in Bollywood films, it is nice to see how all policemen, not just Singham saheb, are heroes. Only zeroes are neta-log, but public is only taking note and giving vote. Just like in real life.

I’m reading in evening newspaper that Shetty Sir is saying movie is tribute to police force. That is good gesture, but see, after all it is only movie. Just like I told Pintu - enjoy it but then forget it. Just like during Umang, our department’s award show, you’ve seen no? Every year all these stars come. Full attendance is there! For one evening in the whole year, all these rich stars are saying salaam to us. One evening only in full year.

But then? Raat gayi baat gayi.

Next day, it’s back to duty. Just like tomorrow for me.

And don’t drive too fast when you go home after movie.

Jai Maharashtra aani jai Hind.

Rohit Kulkarni is a proud Maharashtrian who, with the blessings of Vithoba, has survived watching many films in Marathi as well as Hindi. He is also one of the founders of Curators of Clay.