Aishwarya Rai to make a comeback with Jazbaa: Five films that convince us it's a bad idea

Bollywood’s been slightly under the weather of late, one can say. Before we could even recover from Deepika Padukone brutally ending all cat-fight rumours by suggesting Katrina Kaif should marry Ranbir Kapoor, we were greeted with the very disturbing idea of Aamir Khan playing a ‘wrestler’ in a new film. Then before you could properly shed a silent tear or two over the fate of Aamir Khan’s muscles which have lately been treated like how a 3-year-old treats a piece of gum, you’re confronted with another shocker: Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is set to make a comeback. You had heard about it, but now pictures of a script-reading session confirm that she really is set to make a come-back in a film produced by Sachiin Joshi, who in the past tried to launch himself and an energy drink with help from Sunny Leone and failed at both. The film’s cast however, boasts of Irrfan Khan and Shabana Azmi among others, giving us some semblance of hope. But, given that the last film Aishwarya was seen in was Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Guzaarish, where she played a nurse with the wardrobe of Cinderella, we aren’t very hopeful. Given that we have the best interests of the movie-watcher in mind, we remind the audience of five films that convince us that Aishwarya Rai Bachchan making a come back in films is only less worrying than Sunny Deol shooting for Ghayal 2. 1. Dhoom: 2 (2006) [caption id=“attachment_2047859” align=“aligncenter” width=“620” class=" “]  Aishwarya in Dhoom 2.[/caption]   Are you saying that, you’ve like, forgotten Sunehri? Like, Sunehri, who could give the Dilli ki sardi a run for its money given how cold she was? The Sunehri, who like, said ’like’ more times than she changed her expression in the two-hour film? The only person who felt thankful that Aishwarya was a part of the film must have been Uday Chopra because she made him so much more tolerable, even when he was smiling ear to ear. Bachchan’s wannabe Gossip Girl-meets-Charlie’s Angel avatar in the film must have made sense to just one bunch of people, the women among who consequently turned up in various seasons of Splitsvilla. 2. Devdas (2002): [caption id=“attachment_2047861” align=“aligncenter” width=“620” class=” “]  Aishwarya in Devdas.[/caption]   Aishwarya looked so devastatingly beautiful in the film that we suspect the exquisitely painted glass windows on the sets must have felt a little jealous of her. The actor, on her part, tried her best to melt seamlessly into them and the rest of the brightly painted set. You can’t hold her guilty of having one more expression than the various chandeliers that occupied pride of place in the film. But maybe we should cut her some slack for being the kind soul that she is. Given that Devdas was supposed to exorcise the ghost of Rahul from a generation of love-struck teenagers, Aishwarya did a fine job of thwarting the film’s evil intentions by being as bothersome as Shah Rukh Khan and Jackie Shroff’s moustache put together. 3. Jodha Akbar (2008) [caption id=“attachment_2047863” align=“aligncenter” width=“620” class=” “]  Aishwarya in Jodha Akbar.[/caption]   At the risk of upsetting cat lovers**,** if you were to put Snowbell (from Stuart Little) in a maang tika, you would be more or less be summing up Aishwarya’s expressions in the film.  Though the film inflicted many more atrocities on us - like refusing to end - Aishwarya’s dialogue delivery and her deep dependence on her languid stare to see her through three hours, were stranger than the weight-trained Akbar. 4. Umrao Jaan (2006) [caption id=“attachment_2047867” align=“aligncenter” width=“620” class=” “]  Aishawrya and Abhishek in Umrao Jaan.[/caption]   We are talking about the Fair and Lovely edition here. Aishwarya robbed the character of  Umrao Jaan, made memorable by Rekha, of her sex appeal and warmth and turned her into a showpiece we could probably hang in a photoframe to make the living room look better. But she is not the only one guilty of marring the original. Abishekh Bachchan, playing her paramour, could rustle up as much chemistry with her as you have with your favourite china dinner set in the house. 5. Dil Ka Rishta (2003) [caption id=“attachment_2047871” align=“aligncenter” width=“620” class=” “]  Arjun rampal and Aishwarya in Dil Ki Rishta.[/caption]   If you are of the few who have had the misfortune of watching _Dil Ka Risht_a, given how obsessed TV channels were with the film, then you are probably already nodding in agreement. Aishwarya plays the character of a woman who has lost her memory in the film and in true Bollywood style regains it in the climax. She was shrill, overtly dramatic and so affected, that Moonmoon Sen from 100 Days would feel a little insecure about her permanent membership in the lamest-ever club of Bollywood.