Tusshar Kapoor on turning author with Bachelor Dad: ‘Doing more challenging things after becoming a father’

After twenty years of being an actor in the Hindi film industry, Tusshar Kapoor has written his first book. It has interesting, unheard stories of his life and career. However, that isn’t the focus of Bachelor Dad. The book, published by Penguin Random House India, is an account of how his son Laksshya came into his life and changed it forever.

In 2016, Kapoor welcomed the baby boy via surrogacy. Today, several celebrities, including Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir Khan, Priyanka Chopra , and Shilpa Shetty, have children through surrogacy. But it wasn’t as popular six years ago, especially among unmarried men, to take this route to become fathers.

In this exclusive interaction, Kapoor talks about his decision to share his story, not opt for a co-author to write Bachelor Dad, how he has started to take up more challenging work since becoming a father, his next acting project, and more.

What, according to you, are the two most important things that a single person should know before choosing to have a child through surrogacy?

Firstly, a single parent, before choosing to offer surrogacy should know himself or herself. I believe our battles are fought within, not externally. So once you are clear about what you want to do with regards to bringing up a child and how you want to start a family, then that really is more than half the battle won. The second thing probably would be to go to the right doctor and to get the right direction and the right advice. And obviously, someone who’s very well versed with the laws and to do it by the book. It’s very important to do it by the book because there are very strict laws and one must adhere to them.

After you, Karan Johar became the next bachelor dad. Even your sister Ekta Kapoor had Ravie outside of marriage through surrogacy. How does it feel to see IVF and surrogacy gaining ground among single celebrities wanting to have children?

It is an encouraging sign that more people, especially celebrities, have opted for IVF and surrogacy as single parents to start their families and are doing it successfully. However, I think the more positive sign would be that people from different walks of life, not just celebrities, also take that stand. If they can afford to and have the time, the know-how, the guidance and the intention, then that would be really signaling a change in the social dynamics of the Indian family and would herald a new beginning, even though traditions have been kept intact, not with regards to the kind of a family, but with regards to the values.

So, within our traditional value system, if the people start living life on their own terms and start families unconventionally but with the right intention, then that would mean a real change.

Despite your literary agent’s suggestion, you didn’t agree to have a co-writer for this book. Why not?

Yes, because I didn’t think anyone would be able to do justice to bringing out an honest account of my life, especially this important part of my life, through a book other than myself. So even if I had narrated my story well enough, I don’t think anyone would be able to get the essence of it in a book the way I would, which is why I chose to write it myself. And, of course, the other part of it is feeling good about myself because I think I’m a good writer. So it was a good challenge to overcome for me. Besides just being a Bollywood celebrity, writing a book would add another feather to my cap.

What, according to you, is the biggest myth about surrogacy in India?

There are misconceptions that some people like to do it because it’s a fad or because it’s easier or because they don’t want a child that badly or that genuinely. And it’s just about starting a family and this is an easier route. I don’t think that’s true. You can be a good or a bad parent no matter how you choose to have a child.

And there’s a lack of knowledge about what the procedure really entails, what it means to find a surrogate mother and what are the laws and how are their rights protected. So this information has to come across to those who want to go through this path by a good doctor, whoever they choose. That’s when they would become clear about what it really means to follow this path. I’m no one to educate anybody. I think good doctors would be able to spread the right information, especially for people who really need this to start a family.

What was your biggest fear when you decided to become a bachelor dad?

I had multiple fears, and I won’t be able to answer this question in one go because I think the book would lose its essence if I gave it out here in the interview. For people who want to know what my biggest fear was, they should read the book. But, of course, everybody has that one fear, and that is the fear of the unknown, which is what I would think would be my biggest fear. When we start something new, whether it’s work, an interview, or starting a family, we fear the unknown.

In the book you write, “You are all alone in your struggles and only as good as your last film, and, in my case, sometimes even that didn’t matter.” What do you mean?

You are all alone in your struggles because no one can hand hold you in this profession and make you popular or a star or an actor. It’s up to you, your efforts, choices, hard work, and how much you want it. So even though you might get a helping hand in the initial stage of your career, after that, you are as good as your last film. You are as good or bad as the box office outcome and the appreciation that your last film gets and that no one can get for you. You can’t inherit it. You can’t get it from a godfather. That can only come from a good or a bad film and from your performance in that film.

Thereafter also, your choices take you further. Not anything else. No contacts, no PR can do that if you don’t have the talent, the urge, and the ability to make the right choices. So I think it’s a level playing field for people from within the industry and outside. Some have different struggles, while others have their own set of struggles. That is my experience from being an actor for 20 years.

Do you think your acting career has taken a backseat because of your raising a child all by yourself?

No. My acting career definitely never took a back seat after I became a father because I’ve done films after that. I did Golmaal and I did a show called Booo. I’ve produced a film called Laxmii . So, in fact, I think after becoming a dad, I probably definitely rebooted my career by doing production and web shows. And now I’ve written a book also, which is not really a part of my career, but it’s like adding another element to it, another dimension, another colour. I think I’ve really taken on the onus of doing different things, more challenging things, and trying to come out of my comfort zone after becoming a father, which is probably a greater achievement than just doing the normal set of movies that we are used to doing.

When are we seeing you in a film next?

My next film is an interesting, dark thriller called Maarrich, which is in the process of being distributed. I have a very grey character, which was something very out of the box for me. It also stars Naseeruddin Shah. It should come out probably in the first or the second quarter of this year.

When not reading books or watching films, Sneha Bengani writes about them. She tweets at @benganiwrites.