It really disturbed me on 21 December, 2012 when they said the world would surely end because the Mayan calendar had run out of pages. I had a cheque given to me for 22 December and that was really unjust.
What if I could not cash it?
Maybe the Mayans ran out of ink or papyrus or simply got bored with the whole thing, like an unfinished painting. Perhaps the Mayan calendar boss thought, "Okay, that’s a lot of years. We're cool, let’s go hunting instead."
For all you know, it was his birthday on 21 December and he thought, "That’s neat, I’ll make it a red-letter day". There is however some lingering doubt about Mayans being familiar with the concept of red-letter days.
Maybe he wanted to just end the year with the standard 31 December, but carved it wrong as a '21' and threw the tablet in the waste bin and we all got sweaty for nothing.
And now the Bulletin for Atomic Scientists (they actually have one) has said the Doomsday clock is only three minutes from midnight — the closest it has been these past 20 years to global oblivion.
There are two ways of looking at this:
First, the absent-minded scientists (they all are) have forgotten to change the clock battery and it is actually much closer than you think (insert wicked cackle here), in which case if you have any cheques, you better cash them now because time may well be on its last grains of sand.
The other way is to look at the bright side and add the pluses. Like dash off and max out your credit cards. That will teach those banks a lesson for the way they have been harassing you for overdue payments. Go first class on the A380 for a holiday on one of those fly-now-pay-later (What later? Fooled you!) schemes or put up the down-payment on that sports car and have a blast. No one's going to be chasing you for the rest and you can drive off the mortal coil.
Of course, in case the battery is still functioning, then three minutes in the cosmic sense is thousands of years so don’t start packing yet. Come to think of it, why did you pack in the first place? Good question, just in case you did. Where did you think you were you taking your stuff?
Just in case the BAS has got it all wrong and the world intends to bumble along a word of caution, don’t be reckless.
Don’t tell folks what you actually think of them, especially your boss, because he might still be your boss for years to come. So however tempting it is, hold the thought.
And if you are married, it could be rather hasty to tell your partner all the things that are wrong with him or her because there could be a lot of bridge-building to do in the future, and once said cannot be taken back.
Imagine, if you will, telling your wife what you actually think of her cooking and then tomorrow comes... and the Earth is still alive and well?