Mirror, mirror on the wall. Kim Jong-il the looniest tyrant of all?

There’s something about dictators that renders them susceptible to indescribable acts of lunacy. Libya’s Muammar Gaddafi, until he was fished out of a sewer earlier this year and ignominiously shot dead by his captors, topped the charts of cuckoo dictators, with his preference for pitching desert tents, even in the middle of New York and other idiosyncracies. But with Saddam’s passing, the mantle of the most loony leader had been passed on to Kim Jong-il, the “Dear Leader” of North Korea, whose death was announced earlier today. Every aspect of Kim, from the circumstances of his birth to his time in power, was the subject of elaborate myth-making calculated to keep his country of some 22 million in awe of him. And given the closed nature of the Hermit Kingdom that he lorded over, there are very few verifiable bits of information about him, and much of the narrative that’s known to the world outside was pieced together from the accounts of defectors and those who had rare but carefully choreographed interactions with him (or his body double, of which he had several). [caption id=“attachment_159931” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“Every aspect of Kim, from the circumstances of his birth to his time in power, was the subject of elaborate myth-making calculated to keep his country of some 22 million in awe of him. Alexander Zemlianichenko/AP”]  [/caption] From hospital records, it is evident that Kim Jong-il was born in 1942 in a Soviet military camp in Siberia, where his father had gone to escape the Japanese occupation of Korea. Yet, the official narrative on Kim’s birth, which children read in North Korean schools, is that he was a supernatural being, and when he was born, a bright star lit up the sky, as did a double rainbow, and a bird announced the coming of ‘a general who will rule all over the world.’ North Korean school children also learn that as a supernatural being, Kim Jong-il doesn’t perform any of the bodily functions that require ordinary mortals to use the toilet. For all the terror he wrought over his people, and his disconcerting habit of frequently testing nuclear weapons and missiles, Kim Jong-il suffered from low self-esteem, particularly on account of his short stature. He was known to wear platform shoes to make him appear tall, and for that same reason wore rollers in his hair to keep his hair in a bouffant. So acutely self-conscious was he of his looks that he once described himself, mockingly, as a “midget’s turd”. And that was when he was making small talk at his dining table with a South Korean actress whom he had kidnapped and brought to the North. In all the years that Kim was in power, he made very few public speeches, and frequently gave state events a miss. But in the unsophisticated spin of his propaganda machine, he would frequently be seen on television or in photographs “inspecting” various facilities. To the point where there is a website – “ KimJong-il looking at things” – that mockingly chronicles his inspections. In hagiographic reconstructions of Kim’s life (intended for propaganda purposes at home), he was projected as a man with numerous accomplishments in various fields. For instance, while inspecting a shooting gallery in North Korea, he is believed to have casually picked up a pistol — and scored 10 bull’s-eyes in 10 shots! And as a golfer, he was peerless: even on his first outing, he scored 11 holes-in-one, and finished the 18-hole course with a score of 34, considerably better than the PGA tour record of 59! Although biographies are silent on the subject of his sexuality, Kim Jong-il is rumoured to have had a ravenous appetite in that department. Apart from innumerable wives and mistresses, he is known to have had a fetish for S&M pornographic videos, NBA cheerleaders and Korean teenage girls. But in equal measure, he had an abiding interest in Daffy Duck cartoons — of which he had the world’s largest collection. His fondness for the good things in life extended to other vices as well. In the 1990s, soon after he had taken over power following his father’s death, he was confirmed as spirit maker Hennessey’s single biggest client, and spent nearly $1 million a year on cognac. Given Kim Jong Il’s eccentricities — of which he had several — it may be tempting to dismiss him as a weirdo and a comical caricature. But for the 22 million people of North Korea who suffered from famines and torture and deprivation, there was nothing comical about his leadership. With his death, however, the baton of the looniest dictator has now to be passed on. But it’s a fair bet that they don’t make them like Kim Jong-il anymore. Watch video