America's number one blowhard, Donald Trump, has big news, the "bordering on gigantic" kind that could "possibly" change the course of the presidential election. What, oh, what could it possibly be?
Speculation has been running rampant ever since the Donald announced this impending bombshell on Fox News, telling the anchors that he has "something very, very big concerning the president of the United States… It's going to be very big. I know one thing- you will cover it in a very big fashion."
So what could it possibly be? Could it be Obama's real birth certificate which finally reveals that the president in indeed alien spawn, birthed by little green women in a secret lab in Roswell, Nevada? Or perhaps its damning proof of his cocaine-dealing black youth in the ghetto? The big news may well prove to be worse than all of the above, if Trump's buddy, Douglas Kass is to be believed.
"High above the Alps my Gnome has heard that Donald Trump will announce that he has unearthed divorce papers between the Prez and his wife," Kass tweeted yesterday -- inducing instant terror in the hearts of all Democrats, no doubt.
Divorce? Nay, an almost-happened-but-never-did divorce? Say it ain't so. Oh, Obama, we never knew ye! Having endured four years of adoring smiles, tender kisses and unwarranted cuddling, we now find out it was all a big damn fraud.
As we all know, no truly devoted couple would ever, ever contemplate divorce. Not for one second, not even as a passing thought, leave alone actually draw up divorce papers. Certainly not in America where up to 50 percent of all couples are indeed divorced, as in entirely kaput, not almost so. And who better to expose this perfidious secret than a man who has been divorced, um, three times.
Elaborate sarcasm aside, if the Obamas marital history is indeed Trump's big scoop, it will rank as the dumbest political play of this election. The only people running scared of this potential "scandal" are Mitt Romney supporters, as this Daily Mail commenter makes clear:
[I]f it was something stupid like this then Trump may well HELP Obama. I want Obama out with every fiber of my being but if THIS is his bombshell, Trump is a complete idiot. Surprise Donald, people have marital issues, you of anyone should know this. You show me hard proof of the birth issue, or social security fraud or filling out college applications as a foreign student then you have my attention. But if this is it....just one point in their 20 yr marriage they had difficulty, so what! Very FEW married that long could say they didn't have rocky times at some point.
He's right. It will, in fact, help not hurt Obama for three good reasons.
One, it will be seen as a gross invasion of privacy.
The couple has admitted to going through a "rough patch" right after Obama lost his first House election to Bobby Rush back in 2000. Political Ed Klein claims the reason was that Obama's failed bid left them in serious debt, endangering their "stable and secure future." That's right: Michelle was furious at Barack for blowing all their savings and more on what seemed like a pipe dream when they had two kids to clothe, feed and educate. In others words, no infidelity, hookers or drug use.
The so-called "rough patch" is a lose-lose proposition because it comes across as nosy and intrusive without inflicting the kind of damage that a "dirty" marital scandal may cause -- like the John Edwards debacle. Financial recklessness aside, chasing a dream is not a character flaw, more so when it did indeed come true.
Two, it will make the Obamas more popular than ever as a couple.
Let's face it, one of Obama's biggest selling point is his family. Each time they grace the TV screen, the Obamas seems like a sitcom fantasy come true. They are the 21st century Huckstables come to life. Not everyone loves Obama as a president, but most Americans respect and envy him as a family man, a man blessed with two adorable daughters and a strong, intelligent and devoted wife. The only problem with the Obamas is that they can often seem nauseatingly, unbelievably perfect.
A little dent in that shiny marital facade will make the Obamas just a wee bit more human and relatable. In a society grappling with the fragility of marriage as an institution, those divorce papers will instead be seen as proof that a couple can indeed survive the highs and lows of a long marriage, and emerge more in love than ever. What's more romantic than that?
Three, it will underline the stereotype of the wild-eyed conservative.
Mitt Romney's spent the last month strenuously undoing the damage done by the more radical wings of the Republican party. In the debates, he did an excellent job of convincing the American people that he is a reasonable, middle-of-the-road candidate not a wild-eyed ideologue. This was a key achievement for undecided voters put off by the shrill ranting of Tea Party types and Birthers. In the midst of their economic woes, the last thing Americans care about is silly stuff that gets the fringe conservatives worked up, be it Obama's birth certificate or his marital history.
A dumb and pointless antic like flourishing some old divorce papers that were drawn up when Obama wasn't even running for the presidency can be hugely damaging. It reminds the voters that Romney may, in fact, be a package deal; that his party is weighed down by significant extremist baggage that may well hamper his ability to perform his job as president. The last thing Romney needs in a close, close election is a public display put on by the loony Republican fringe.
So, yeah, bring on the divorce papers. It will be a perfect early Thanksgiving gift to the Obama campaign.