The Gay Man’s Guide To Things You Should Not Say To A Woman

The Gay Man’s Guide To Things You Should Not Say To A Woman

A fat paycheck, dimples and six-pack abs might make most gay men look like they’ve stepped straight out of a list of ‘The Most Eligible Bachelors In The World’, but what makes a guy (read: you) truly attractive?

How you treat (and respect) women every day.

"But I am gay!" you squeal, "I obviously respect women."

In my guide to not being your everyday misogynist, I told you that your sexuality doesn’t really prevent you from being exposed to misogynistic attitudes. The fact that you are into men doesn’t mean that you aren’t a tool of patriarchy.

Or just a tool.

This attitude seeps in everywhere, such as the ‘boys-are-better-because-girls-are-weaker’ stories we have heard across generations – lies that are reinforced at school, the work place, home, and even films — making their way into everyday conversations and harmless banter at parties.

You might love seeing straight women at pubs on queer nights, but that still doesn’t give you a reason to cozy up to them without their consent. Friends or not, your general idea might not be sexual, but the entire belief that men are entitled to women’s bodies is…

Misogynistic.

Using your sexuality as an excuse to grab at a woman is the same as saying "But her clothes asked for it" — it’s as silly as the term ‘Feminazi’. Sure, you might be averse to rape jokes, fight for #GenderEquality campaigns online, listen to Beyoncé’s ‘Run The World (Girls)’ on loop, or stand up for your women friends when they are being harassed at the bar, but then again, that’s so 2012.

Sometimes, all it takes is a single statement to be an a**hole – it’s like using the #NotAllMen hash tag at the end of your tweet – you’ve literally proved your douchiness in 280 characters or less.

Want to know if you make the cut?

Whether you call yourself a feminist on Facebook or are a gay guy who simply enjoys helping around at home, if you go ahead and say any one of these 50 sexist (or sometimes, misogynistic) things to (or around) a woman, you are probably getting it wrong:

1. Are you sure you can handle that? Do you want me to help?
2. Hahaha! You are really funny for a girl!
3. Wow! You really need to calm your t**s!
4. Okay, there’s no reason to start crying about this now, alright?
5. Will you stop being so dramatic!
6. Okay, is it that time of the month already?
7. Are you like, a feminist? Does that mean you hate all men?
8. Those legs cannot pull those leggings off.
9. Eww, why would anybody want to be a lesbian? What do they do in bed anyway?
10. What do you mean you don’t know how to cook?
11. It’s got nothing to do with the fact that you are a woman, but I really don’t trust your driving skills.
12. Hold on, when I say that all women are like that, I obviously wasn’t talking about you. I was just talking about women in general…
13. You’d looks so beautiful if you just gave up on junk food, babe.
14. You have got to stop being such an attention wh**e!
15. Gross, what kind of girl wants to gain muscle?
16. She is so turnt, she’s going to get some action tonight!
17. I mean, she’s sexy and fun, but she’s not the kind of girl boys I know would take home to meet their mom, you know what I mean? I love her though! She’s a rager!
18. I am not saying she asked for it, or this isn’t a stance that supports rape, but why can’t women just dress more appropriately when they are out partying late in the night?
19. How can she be such a b****h at work, dude? I bet she hasn’t been getting any…
20. Whoa, you need to hold on those drinks, doll!
21. ‘Ugh, I’ll pass. There’s too much estrogen in this conversation.
22. Don’t mind, but don’t you think that your dress is a little too low? Would you be safe going back home later in the night like that?
23. Wait a minute, why do I have to ask you for your permission to touch your b***s?’
24. Okay, jokes aside, which of the main characters from Sex And The City do you most identify with?
25. I am sure she got the promotion because she was sleeping with the boss…
26. Have you thought about going on a diet?
27. Have you thought about putting your name down on a matrimonial site?
28. ...But what about men’s rights?
29. What do you mean pink is not your favourite colour?
30. Listen, I am gay, so I can totally kiss you!
31. Damn! Who takes women’s cricket seriously, yaar?!
32. If I was a straight guy, I would totally date…’
33. Don’t you want to do something about those stretch marks?
34. My boss is such a ball-buster, man…I am sure she has her husband whipped at home.
35. So much drama, man! She must be on her period…
36. Honka honka!
37. Yes, yes, that’s all very good, but what I honestly feel would work for this situation right now is that…
38. Whoa! Did you see the jugs on that one?
39. It’s just my opinion, but I think that women are their worst enemies…
40. Are you really going to teach me how to drive? No thanks!
41. Oh honey, does your boyfriend know that you are going out dressed like that?
42. Oh come on, you don’t need to think twice before changing in front of me! I am gay, remember?
43. Bish, I own you!
44. Darling, stop being so desperate…
45. See, when I told you to ‘Go make me a sandwich,' I was obviously joking, where’s your sense of humour?
46. If you can’t make round rotis, you are failing as a woman…
47. Are you really going to have that steak all by yourself? Shouldn’t you be having something healthier? Like a salad?
48. Listen, this might sound awkward, but you might want to cover up a bit… your bra strap is showing…
49. I am telling you, boys will be boys, and you should just get used to it…
50. You make more than your husband? He must be such a great guy!

Feel like you’ve said more than half of these to all the important women in your life? Are you hanging your head in shame? Reaching out for your phones to apologise to all your (girl) friends? Writing out a ‘Love you’ text to your mom?

That’s great. Now let it sink in as you go make yourself a sandwich.

You can make one for me as well.

Illustration courtesy Amrai Dua

Aniruddha Mahale