It has been a tough first half of the season for the Rising Pune Supergiants. They had a bright start, but their fortunes have tapered as sharply as MS Dhoni's mullet. On the field they won just two out of eight games they have played, and lost all six home matches. Off the field though, the problems are even worse. All four overseas players who started their first match — Steve Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Mitchell Marsh and Faf du Plessis — have sustained injuries that have ruled them out of the remainder of the IPL. Overseas players form the core of any team and losing all four is like requiring multiple organ transplants at the age of 20.
This has been hard for fans and followers alike. Words like voodoo, jinx, and 'Injured Pune League' have been floating around social media. Fate seems to be playing dice with this team, and the good fortune that seems to follow Dhoni is conspicuously absent. I imagined what it would be like if fate were to have a conversation with a Supergiants fan about the season so far. Needless to say, fate wins in the end, but do read on.
RPS fan: We are awesome! We have MSD, the man with the Midas touch! We squashed the defending champions in the opening game! Beware our wrath! #DumKaNayaRang!
Fate: Haven't you heard you're not supposed to tempt fate?
RPS fan: Arre, what can fate do to Pune? How can anyone stop a team with Faf du Plessis, Kevin Pietersen and Steve Smith?
Fate: Kevin who? The guy who left his birth country and sold out his captain?
RPS fan: Well, it wasn’t like that, you see...transformation and all, he just had to break free...but that's all in the past. He is gonna be a superstar this time!
Fate: With an injured calf?
RPS fan: What?
Fate: Yup, that's right, I just got an e-mail from my India division. Pietersen is out of the IPL.
RPS fan: Oh man! Crap! But we still have killer openers with bat and ball!
Fate: (ROFL-ing) You mean the wannabe samurai, Ishant Sharma? Someone please take him to watch The Last Samurai, the scene where the kid's topknot is cut off. If he doesn't visit the barber soon enough, I might arrange something like that for him.
RPS fan: Forget his hair, did you see his bowling in the first game? That's gonna happen again, I'm telling you.
Fate: Yeah, sure, and Trump will become President. No, hang on, I take that back.
RPS fan: Yeah, you should. Seriously dude, that's a mean joke you are playing on the world. But wait, where was I? Ya, Faf du Plessis will...
Fate: What kind of a name is Faf? Sounds like a flavour of cotton candy!
RPS fan: It's short for Francois man, pronounced Fran-swaa. How come you don't know this? Aren't you supposed to be all knowing and omnipotent and stuff? Alpha and Omega? Morgan Freeman?
Fate: No you’re confusing me with my big brother. He heads the family business. I just Google things. Much simpler. BTW, how do you pronounce broken finger?
RPS fan: Huh?
Fate: Yeah, your Fraan-swaa, out of the IPL, with a broken finger.
RPS fan: WHAT??? *&%#$@%$^*&;^!!!!
Fate: Whoa! Captain America doesn't like that kinda language!
RPS fan: Damn man! Faf was a serious playmaker!
Fate: You still have Ajinkya Rahane right?
RPS fan: That guy is useless! He scores, but too slow. Cost us the WT20 semi also. Dhawan would have been better.
Fate: Now that’s a bit harsh, no?
RPS fan: Not as harsh as the injury blows you are dealing us! See, we have lost four games in a row! We even lost to Kings XI! What next?
Fate: Well, since you asked, that injury that kept Mitchell Marsh out of the Sunrisers match...
RPS fan: Ya, we won that match! But what about Marsh?
Fate: He's out of the IPL too.
(RPS fan faints and hits the ground)
Fate: Hey dude, relax! Come on, wake up, it's just a game!
RPS fan: JUST A GAME?! It's life man! It's our entire life! It's our entertainment! More importantly, it's the only thing keeping the saas-bahu stuff off the TV!
Fate: Ok Ok. What can I say? My little sister Karma is a b**ch.
RPS fan: Karma? Don't blame Karma! This is all on you man!
Fate: No no, I assure you. Karma did this one. I think she said it was because your team owners were too full of themselves. They insisted on using their company initials to name your team. Rising Pune Supergiants? #EpicFail
RPS fan: Oh God! Yeah ok, these team owners can be real attention seekers. Look at Priety Zinta's hug history. Or SRK's Wankhede history. And don't even get me started on Vijay Mallya. Or the idiocy of Meiyappan. No hell is hot enough for that guy!
Fate: I take it you were a CSK fan?
RPS fan: Were? I am! CSK forever! RPS is just a fling. All RPS fans are former CSK. The people of Pune don't trust the IPL any more, after Subroto Roy played dice with their original team. That's all you powerful types do. You take things away from us common people.
Fate: That's not entirely true. I give as well! Remember when Steve Smith got bowled off a no-ball against the Lions? That was me!
RPS fan: Ah yes! Thanks for that one! Was great to see Smith get that hundred. Steve Smith is like the only shining light in this team. He is a master tactician. Even Dhoni takes advice from him. Super tips! And his fielding! WOW, its like he's from another planet! And when he bats! Oh those wrists and those never-be-still feet! He is...
Fate: He is injured too. Out of the IPL!
Fate: Hello? Are you still there?
Fate: Yoohoo? Anybody home??
Fate: I'm getting a bit worried now. There's some good news too, you know. Khawaja and Bailey are coming in...
Fate: I think we're going to need an ambulance here. Karma, is this one of your tricks? It's not funny, sis, I was starting to like the guy. Cut him some slack. It's not easy being a fan of the Rising Pune Supergiants, you know.
Published Date: May 03, 2016 04:34 pm | Updated Date: May 03, 2016 04:35 pm