Why the alleged AMS sexcapade is a big dud

Bechara Abhishek Manu Singhvi. The opposition wants him to “come clean,” his own party just wants him to disappear, and the jokes keep coming: Guess this is why Singhvi is a member of the Parliamentary standing committee. Ha, ha, ha! All this because he allegedly got a little naughty in his chambers with a friend. Besides, having watched the offending clip online, we have to sadly report that the sexcapade - if that’s what it was - is a big dud. And here are five reasons why: One, where’s the oomph? Our politicians are staunchly committed to servicing our nation’s youth, especially in bed. But there’s no nubile young hottie rolling around in the sheets here. The clip shows our hero has shockingly chosen to consort with a woman close to his own age! The travesty! Two, where’s the sleaze? As dull as they may be in their public lives, our politicians’ rarely disappoint in their bedroom antics. Even an octogenarian like ND Tiwari knows what it takes to make a really dirty home video. Our sex video is far more remarkable for how much it leaves to our overtaxed imaginations. Oh, look, a bald head, bobbing in and out of view. We all know what that means! This is one “porn clip” even our censor board would approve. As one disgruntled viewer put it, “If you cannot see anything, then what’s the point of taking pictures at all.” Three, so much talking, talking, talking. A huge chunk of the nearly 13-minute clip is taken up with chit-chat – and of the most boring kind. Much of it is desultory mumbling, but here’s what we do know. The lady is “totally alone” and has gotten used to it. And he doesn’t do birthdays and stuff like that. They talk, they get it on, and go right back to talking. The most striking thing about this clip: it’s downright marital! [caption id=“attachment_282537” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“So let’s give the poor guy a break – assuming it’s really AMS in the video clip. PTI”]  [/caption] Four, no misuse of power. “Issues that are floating around are very serious in nature. So I feel either Mr Singhvi or the court should let us know what the truth is all about” claimed BJP spokesperson Kirti Azad, with more hope than cause. There’s not a whit of evidence of political favours being traded. It’s more likely that these theories have been “floated” as an excuse to make our protagonist’s private life a matter of public interest. Nice try, except none of it is very interesting. Not only is the lady in question is rumoured to be staidly middle-aged, but also rich and influential in her own right. Damn you, man! Five, no dead bodies. A number of political sex scandals end in tragedy – usually for the ‘other woman’ involved. Think Bhanwari Devi. So kudos to our Lothario for keeping his sexual drama to the level of a bland extramarital farce. He’s run back to the wife and kids. She’s keeping a studiedly low profile. Everyone’s a bit sheepish, but happily alive and accounted for. So let’s give the poor guy a break – assuming it’s really AMS in the video clip. Like most cheating spouses, he’s already paid the price in personal humiliation. And there’s more to come. Just imagine the number of media questions that will include the word ‘briefs."