Then Viveik met Salman: Modi's red carpet was more fun than Filmfare

In the last decade or so, few shows have managed to bring India together, cutting across class, economic status or education, the way Kaun Banega Crorepati, Mahabharat, Ramayan, Buniyaad or Hum Log did. Even Aamir’s Satyamev Jayate failed to do so. But all that changed yesterday. At 6pm, the greatest show in the sub-continent brought everyone to their TV screens. Narendra Modi’s swearing-in ceremony was quite the spectacle. First off, whether you support Modi or not, you had to be impressed by his impressive sweep. So why shouldn’t he ring in his anointment with a flourish? I would. What with its 4000 guests, imposing setting, everyone standing in attendance, a smattering of B-and A-grade Bollywood stars and veterans and dodgy and honest businessmen, it reminded me of a mish-mash of Cleopatra entering Rome-meets-Filmfare awards-meets Barack Obama’s swearing in. The only thing missing was Lata Mangeshkar or Beyonce bursting into song. But the red carpet here was far more fun than the red carpet at IIFA because it represented a who’s who of India, not just Bolly types. [caption id=“attachment_1544875” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Salman Khan and Viveik Oberoi were both spotted at the swearing-in ceremony. PTI.[/caption] Like Mummy Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi, the latter looking suitably sombre through the ceremony. While Mother cracked a smile, Junior seemed to be trying to make up for his last smiling appearance. He could have shaved, though. There was Hamid Karzai looking imperious and more dapper than anyone else in the crowd. Just so you could appreciate him more, ANI followed up visuals of him with an image of Viveik Oberoi, dressed like a villain from one of his many classic films. However to place him with the lotus on his jacket a seat away from Rahul in the same row, was a tad mean I felt. Oberoi was followed by Bappi Lahiri, whose gold had apparently been returned to him by the BJP after his shot at the election. All the stars of yore were seated together and dressed like they were about to attend a shaadi. Dharmendra, Hema Malini, Vinod Khanna, Shatrughan Sinha. And then there was Salman Khan next to his daddy, looking utterly confused about what he was doing there and sniffing the air at one point. Could he smell a black buck? Luckily for the pavement dwellers of Delhi, none of them live outside Rashtrapati Bhawan. There was Javed Akhtar grimacing in the heat. Although he was one of the few people bright enough to wear a kurta instead of a black suit in the heat of the Delhi summer. This is something that amazes me. Like, really people? You have designers at your beck and call, and riches we can only imagine – but you still troop out on a 45 degree summer day in a blazer? Nawaz Sharif elicited the same response as Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro do when they enter an awards night. But whatever happened to his hair weave? Has it fallen off? His grimness was offset by the sure glee on Sri Lanka’s Mahinda Rajapaksa’s face, who strode in like Mammootty. You had to give it to Modi, that he’d managed to organise this mini-SAARC summit on Day Zero of his tenure. Akhand SAARC indeed. My only complaint is if it had been the Filmfare awards, we’d have been shown the faces of their counterparts/rivals. But no such luck with the prime and proper Doordarshan cameras. So we didn’t get to see Sonia’s expression when Maneka Sanjay Gandhi (!) took her oath. The mistress of ceremonies, Omita Paul, introduced each minister in a sort of strangled robotic voice, while the diminutive master of ceremonies and Bengal’s sole representative on the podium looked on. Of course Pranab-da had already represented Bengal fairly in the dinner menu – which featured no Kashmiri or Northeastern dishes, but did have TWO Bengali items. The Northeast exclusion in the menu was made up by TWO ministers of state from the region. It all balances out in the greater scheme of things. The Northeast also got the gift of an army man to look after it. Speaking of menus – what is the diet which Nitin Gadkari, Uma Bharti and Arun Jaitley are on? They almost needed individual group photographs of themselves. If they had all lined up around the President he would have just disappeared. Then there was the saffron spiritual brigade. Ramdev’s aide Balkrishna, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the ever peaceful orator Sadhvi Rithambara. I thought I saw her counting the bricks on the dome of the Rashtrapati Bhawan. A little flash of deja vu or sunlight in my eyes? I did feel that Pranab-da didn’t need to keep prompting the ministers, by repeating “mein” ad nauseum. They do know they have to read an oath. And then there was TV’s bahu, Smriti Irani taking oath – the first one to project her voice like a good actor. The lotuses on her saree were a little bizarre, but if your foundation of fashion is from the Balaji stable, we shouldn’t expect much. But why didn’t Pranab-da shake her hand? She took a step forward and he moved not an inch toward her. Ektu rude, I feel.There were the usual moments when you couldn’t not raise your eyebrows. Much like when Shakti Kapoor gets an award for anything. Sanjeev Baliyan was sworn in as MoS. Difficult to forget that he has a FIR against him in the Muzaffarnagar riot case. What else stood out? The clique of Jaitley, Sushma Swaraj and Rajnath Singh chattering away throughout the swearing in. Manmohan Singh cracking a smile. The SAARC leaders sitting pretty in a row – not wanting to bomb or poke each other’s eyes out. Bhutan and Sri Lanka making small talk. Maybe this is a whole new world after all. In the immortal words of Aladdin: A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no or where to go Or say we’re only dreaming But then the bats started flying and the magic carpet ride ended with a photo-op. Sadly, Modi did not take a selfie with his new cabinet like Ellen at the Oscars. The last and lasting image of the evening though, was Pranab-da looking at his watch as Modi approached him during the group picture. Enough work for the day, time to hit the potoler dolma and sondesh.