Leave Amit Shah alone: A loyal fan's defence

By Overrated Outcast There is a veritable storm brewing. A tsunami, even. A tectonic shift is taking place right in front of our eyes. A thunder of change is about to happen. We trudge forward, with all our might, to be witness to a marquee event in world history. But enough about the new season of Game of Thrones! As the paid pinko commie media awaits to be crushed by the might of the Modi wave, they have been trying every trick in the book to postpone this eventuality. Over the weekend, they have been going after the venerable Amit Shah by using the dirtiest trick in their book: quoting what he said, verbatim. That is indeed quite a devious thing to do. Letting someone be hoisted by their own petard! [caption id=“attachment_1469219” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  So he’s a bit of a fixer upper. So he’s got a few flaws. All I’m saying is that give Amitbhai a chance. AFP[/caption] I usually don’t jump in to defend politicians. But Amitbhai is a simple, lonely man without any resources to protect himself against the hapless tirades of the sickular media. As we all know, getting some random person on the internet to rant about how you’re the victim is the best defence. Now, one thing I’ve learned in my extensive travels throughout the country is that different words have different meanings for different people. For example, for some people, a ‘riot’ simply refers to partaking in boisterous merriment. So we should be careful before we accuse someone of saying something that that person didn’t say. Just because a political leader visits an area that has seen repeated incidents of mass violence, surrounds himself with the very people alleged to be behind such sordid incidents and then uses words like ‘revenge’ and ‘honour’, it doesn’t mean that he is inciting more violence. Have faith in the good folks of this country! Frankly, I really think of Shah’s troubles as more of a ‘branding issue.’ Good marketing requires finding the right words that send the same message but without raising suspicions. For example, Amitbhai is allegedly a big fan of ‘encounters.’ I, for one, think it’s a great way to keep control over the mischievous elements of society, but some cocktail liberals object to such effective measures of good governance. Therefore, instead of calling them encounters, the Gujarat government should re-brand them as ‘freedom runs.’ After all, the purpose of an encounter is to free someone one way or the other. And who doesn’t love freedom? Freedom is our birthright! It’s even in the constitution! With appropriate restrictions, of course. Similarly, instead of using words like ‘revenge,’ or ‘honour,’ Amitbhai should use words like ‘redressal of grievances,’ or ‘righting historical wrongs’ followed by a wink and a nudge. No one minds redressing grievances! Sounds like a customer care operation instead of a mob priming for an attack. God is in the details. And you know which God I’m referring to. It’s not the one they pray to. Though, between you and me, I did reconsider my support for him when I read that he wanted to go after those people fond of eating meat. That gave me a bit of pause. You will take away my butter chicken from my cold, dead hands. Oh no, wait. I was just kidding! You know, joke. Like why did the Muslim cross the road? BECAUSE HE BELONGS IN PAKISTAN! Anyway, forget I said anything. A certain section of people whose day job is to criticise honest patriots also have a problem with Amitbhai referring to the Samajdwadi Party supremo as ‘Mullah’ Mulayam. This is one of those damned if you do/damned if you don’t situations. This is, in fact, Amitbhai touting his involvement in Muslim culture. Isn’t that proof of his secular nature? At least he didn’t make a pun and call him Mullah-yam. That counts for something, right? There’s also this small detail of Amit Shah threatening to dismiss a democratically elected government. Why is that a problem, anyway? The fact of the matter is that no one likes the Samajwadi Party government. Not even the Samajwadi Party! So Amitbhai simply suggested that we get rid of them. Isn’t that what democracy is all about? Doing away with things that you don’t like just because you can? Look, the BJP is a party of integrity. Unlike the Congress, they’re not going to stand by and not penalise a government that stood idly by while a city was being ravaged by multiple mobs and hundreds of innocent people were either killed or rendered homeless. (Except of course, that one time. But don’t bring that up right now. They’re two completely different situations. Also, where is the UP government’s clean chit? Huh?) So he’s a bit of a fixer upper. So he’s got a few flaws. All I’m saying is that give Amitbhai a chance. You see, Amit Shah is exactly the sort of person this country needs. Life is not what we want it to be. In a perfect world, people like Amit Shah would be explaining their party’s platform instead of using dog whistles to ask for votes. Rather, in a perfect world, people like Amit Shah would be in jail. But we live in an imperfect one. Where you need enforcers like Amit Shah. We live in a world where a certain group of people need to be reminded of their place every few years. Some riots, while tragic, probably save lives. And the existence of people like Amit Shah, while grotesque and incomprehensible to certain lily-livered liberals, is an important necessity. So instead of complaining, you should say ‘thank you.’ This is how it’s going to be from now on. It’s time you get with the program. Or Amitbhai will drag you there, kicking and screaming. Now please excuse me as I try to convince my tastebuds that they won’t be best bakery’d by paneer butter masala. Overrated Outcast is a writer based in Delhi. You can follow him on twitter @over_rated.