Baby Bilawal vs Rahul Baba: A 3-0 whitewash

In a subcontinent where politics oscillates between tragedy and farce, it is hardly surprising that one of the ‘big’ developments in Pakistan is a papa-beta fight. Bilawal Bhutto Zardari’s rumoured flight to Dubai on the eve of the elections has spawned consternation, speculation, and in my case, amusement. Wiser minds will figure out what this all means for Pakistan People’s Party, Asif Zardari et al., but I for one drew a more simple conclusion: When it comes to dynastic politics, Pakistan whoops our Indian ass. And it’s Baby Bilawal who’s delivered this decisive victory by making Rahul look like a meritocrat. The Gandhi family’s sense of entitlement and hubris pales in comparison to that of the Bhuttos. And here’s why the Bhutto-Gandhi face-off is a 3-0 whitewash. Who’s the big baby? Ok, so it is a measure of Rahul Baba’s desperation that he is now cultivating facial hair to convey political gravitas, but the fact remains that he is 42 years old, a respectable age for a leader of a national party, and aspiring (or not) prime minister. And he has spent a decade in the field of politics. He may be a poor and unenthusiastic leader, but he’s paid the dues required to earn his title as party vice president. Moreover, he’s actually deigned to run for elections from Amethi… twice, having been most recently reelected in 2009. [caption id=“attachment_677739” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Bilawal Bhutto and Rahul Gandhi. Agencies.[/caption] Bilawal, however, has not yet made that obligatory nod to democracy – though for no fault of his own. The tender 24-year old is not yet old enough to contest an election in Pakistan, a situation he intends to remedy the moment he comes of age this year. And his rise in the party ranks has been downright dizzying compared to slowpoke Rahul. Already the chairman of PPP, he was recently anointed its ‘patron-in-chief’ when his father was forced to resign as its co-chairman. In fact, the entire party is registered in Billoo’s name. Now that’s youthful ambition! At the rate the Bhuttos are going, Pakistan may well be transported to more idyllic times when teenagers could ascend the royal throne. No qualifications required “My place right now is among our people. My place right now is to learn and understand so I can serve my people and party better,” said Rahul in one of his various press encounters. And it’s a place he’s firmly occupied for the past eight years. He’s roved remote villages, staged sleepovers at Dalit homes, made innumerable, instantly forgettable speeches, all in the name of political education – and only to be dismissed as a very slow learner. Bilawal, on the other hand, has no need for so much learning, learning, learning. In 2010, he flew in from London to take the reins of his party when Asif Zardari was supposedly hospitalised in Dubai. There were already rumours of Zardari ceding the baton to his then 23-year old son. “His father has only ever seen himself as a transition leader. Bilawal is the blood heir to a family of political martyrs so he is the political future,” a source close to the Bhutto family told The Guardian. Unlike our homegrown heir who dawdles his way toward the gaddi, the young Pakistani princeling only needs an Oxford degree and the right surname to shove his father aside – a task he is eager to undertake if the latest story of a family feud are true. Who needs an education when you have the right mommy, as former PPP member of parliament Farnahaz Ipsahani points out: “Bilawal grew up with his mother as his father was in jail for a long time. He went with her to rallies and was with her in top-level meetings.” So don’t be expecting Bilawal Bhaiyya to break bread with lowly tribals any time soon. The kiss-ass contest We complain about the Congress culture of sycophancy, the unending parade of Rahul apologists who daily swear by his wisdom, integrity and leadership – irrespective of his own protestations. “If Rahul does not aspire to be Prime Minister, that is his view but we want him to lead the country,” insisted a panic-stricken Congress spokesperson Rashid Alvi when Rahul dropped one of his vague, reluctant heir bombs. “He has, in him, all the qualities required to be the Prime Minister. Rahul Gandhi has in own way of thinking and is farsighted. We are confident that whenever he becomes the Prime Minister, Rahul will be a competent Prime Minister and will take the country forward," said a loyal Alvi. It’s all a bit cloying but is no match for the rhetorical skills of PPP leaders who have far less material to work with. Lacking any proof of Bilawal’s competency, they have to settle instead on touting his “Bhutto genes” and, oh yes, barely passable Urdu. After Bilawal’s official debut speech, “[unnamed] observers noted that Bhutto’s Urdu, the national language which he has had to hastily learn since his return to Pakistan to take up his political heritage, was, if still accented, much improved.” Even poor Sonia doesn’t get that pass despite her Italian origins, leave alone her son whose Hindi is immeasurably better than his dearly beloved father. Unlike the pitiful efforts of Digvijay Singh etc., Bhutto sycophants can pull virtues out of thin air. “Bilawal happens to be more popular and charismatic than his contemporaries. People who are perceived to be charismatic are simply more animated than others. They smile more, speak faster, pronounce words more clearly, and move their heads and bodies more often. The same is true with Bilawal Bhutto,” writes Rubina Qaimkhani in an unashamed PR paean, noting the little things that make BB unique: “Bilawal has got amazing name and it means “one without equal”. He is true to this meaning and is the manifestation of the word for his party followers.” If you’re thinking, ‘Rubina who?’, Pakistani Prime Minister Raja Pervez Ashraf has waxed no less eloquent on the subject. “Bilawal will lead the caravan of the nation and the democracy,” said Ashraf back in December, affirming his “ability to lead the party and the nation,” and “infuse a new spirit among party workers.” Of the many humiliations, Manmohan Singh may have endured as Sonia Gandhi’s Prime Minister, doing unpaid PR for Rahul is not one of them. One of the constant themes in media coverage of Bilawal’s ascendancy is the parallel with Rahul – which is used to mitigate, if not condone, the absurdity of a 24-year old political aspirant. “Even if he isn’t ready, he doesn’t have a choice. If you are born a Bhutto or a Gandhi, you don’t have a choice,” argues Pakistani journalist Quatrina Hussain. Flattering as it may be, the Gandhis are nowhere in the same league as the Bhuttos when it comes to dynastic politics. Sonia couldn’t have dreamed of pushing a twenty-something Rahul forward as an heir apparent. More sadly – for Rahul and democracy – he wouldn’t dare leave the country in a huff either, how ever often he may dream of it.