Dating guide for the urban male: So you want to talk to her....

By Siddharth Mangharam There’s never been a better time to be a single male in India. The country is teeming with educated, urbane and eminently single women. And yet, I constantly hear single guys lament the absence of eligible women. Perhaps that’s because guys are consuming relationship advice columns written by women for women. And that’s just wrong. Alternately, some guys are stuck in an evolutionary warp zone and still think the number one rule for attracting women is to play macho man, right off the bat. Neither of these approaches is going to lead to the Promised Land. The central question of the universe has always been, “What do women want?” And the simple answer is that they want a man. A *real* man. There’s this beautiful line from KANK where Preity Zinta looks at Shah Rukh straight in the eye and says, “The truth is that I am the man in this house.” Guys, when a woman says something like this, it’s game over. Let’s look at this from a social evolution perspective. Today’s women are working, earning, well travelled and are simply not economically dependent on men anymore. The sooner a guy realises this, and more importantly, accepts it, the easier it becomes for both men and women. And guys, this is inevitable — do not fight it; do not expect that 20-something brand manager who’s got cute dimples and reports to you to be a docile bharatiya nari when it comes to her personal life. [caption id=“attachment_108146” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“A foolproof way to instantly connect with a woman is to comment (usually positively, though sometimes the counter intuitive approach can work with deadly efficacy) about some aspect of her accessories. New York Times. “]  [/caption] The good news is that connecting with the new Indian woman is (almost) as simple as ABC. It’s about relearning a few ground rules and simply making them a part of who you are. It’s about letting a lady know that you are more than a moving mass of muscle. The best part is that you don’t need to buy her a drink, be macho, or talk endlessly about yourself. You don’t even have to lie. The first step invariably is to signal that you have a brain. And no, it has absolutely nothing to do with what your ICSE grades were. There may be even an inverse relationship here. A foolproof way to instantly connect with a woman is to comment (usually positively, though sometimes the counter intuitive approach can work with deadly efficacy) about some aspect of her accessories. Don’t get too personal, and stay away from commenting on her clothes or jewelry until that first date, or at least until you make her acquaintance. I have a consultant friend who spends many of his waking hours in airports and his favourite conversation starter is to talk about a woman’s luggage. “Hey, that’s a fantastic Jansport, you’ve got there. Is it the 22” ballistic nylon expandable?” Woman (slightly surprised, but totally impressed with his powers of observation) says, “Well yes, my sister gifted this to me for my birthday!” A perfect opening that he takes and runs with, “So when’s your birthday?” It’s totally innocuous, makes you sound intelligent not creepy, and usually works like a charm. Passionate about watches? Check out her wrist. Like running? Comment on her sneakers. And this is a gift that will keep giving even after you get to know her. Heck, you probably don’t know or care about handbags, but be assured that if you have even ten smart words about this particular accessory, you’ve already set yourself up for success. There’s a simple reason that this approach works. Women care about the way they’re perceived and spend an insane amount of time to make mundane decisions like the colour of their socks when they’re heading to the gym. And if you’re smart enough to know this, you’ve already taken the first step towards being perceived as a guy who pays attention — and in a smart way. Another huge turn on for women is to see a guy who takes the lead. But don’t mix up taking the lead with being overly eager or aggressive. Let me elaborate. Let’s say my friend above has exchanged light banter with Ms. Jansport and hears the final call for his flight. He whips out his phone and says, “Hey, it was really nice talking with you, but I’ve got to get going. Give me your number and we’ll continue this conversation once we land.” Again, he’s masterfully shown that he’s in charge and not only gets her number, but also gives her a missed call to make sure she has his, as well.QED. Now, it doesn’t always turn out this well. Your most witty observations can fall on unfriendly ears. Or that short airport banter may turn out to be a dead-end. There are no guarantees in the dating life. But keeping it smart and light lowers the stakes and raises the success rate. Besides, it’s not about ‘scoring’ each time you talk to a woman. It’s about opening that tiny window of possibility that keeps all single men looking. Siddharth Mangharam is the founder and CEO of Floh, a network for educated and urban singles that meet at awesome events. After making a lot of money for his former employers McKinsey and Co Inc. and Microsoft, he decided to kiss corporate life goodbye and has embraced the entrepreneurial way. He’s a social anthropologist at heart and blogs at Singleinthecity.in and tweets at @Mangharam. He lives in Bangalore with his family.