Monkeys join indices, brokers on the downward slide

Red. That was the dominant colour of the stock markets last week as everything ended in the red – the benchmark indices, Monkey portfolios and the brokers’ portfolio.

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While the Sensex and Nifty lost about 3 percent each, the brokers’ portfolio, consisting of 10 stock picked by 10 investing experts, and Monkey portfolio 1, comprising 10 randomly-picked stocks from the BSE 100, slipped 1 percent each for the week ended 11 May. Monkey portfolio 2, consisting of 10 randomly-selected stocks from the BSE 500 , sank a steep 6 percent.

With the markets in constant turmoil, even the gains of the three portfolios for the period since their inception (19 August, 2011) have been practically erased. For instance, for the nearly 10-month period, the brokers’ portfolio is down 1 percent after advancing 9 percent recently (see table below). Similarly, Monkey portfolio 1 is now up a marginal 0.9 percent after boasting a 10 percent gain last month (see table below).

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Monkey portfolio 2, meanwhile, doubled its losses to a whopping 17 percent as its run of bad form continued (see table below). Former star performers VIP Industries and Manappuram Finance remained the biggest drags on the portfolio, tumbling more than 50 percent each. In comparison, the Sensex and Nifty managed to eke out gains of just 1-1.7 percent. Positive, but only just.

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No doubt, there’s a lot to be depressed about. The rupee’s precipitous fall, the government’s continuing tax battle with Vodafone (and soon possibly other multinationals as well) and sluggish economic prospects are giving foreign investors the jitters, who are rushing to the exits. If foreign investors leave en masse, there’s little hope of markets climbing higher, since foreigners are the biggest driving force. And that’s worrying everyone.

Sources told Firstpost that both the Monkeys and the brokers ( see table below), in a rare meeting of minds, have decided to just drink away (or possibly drown) their sorrows this weekend. More interestingly, Firstpost has learnt that both the simian duo and the brokers will be heading to Big Nasty, a club with a supposed ‘industrial feel’ in suburban Mumbai to…let’s see, how shall we put it? Oh yes, to ‘discuss the future of their investments’. Neither side, of course, knows that the other will be there.

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Well, THAT will be exciting. With hot-headed Monkey 2 at one end and the brokers’ bunch at the other, the air will be as combustible as the ‘Flaming Lamborghini’, if not more. To the teetotallers among us, that’s a classic combustible cocktail (we kid you not!) that can, quite literally, set you on fire. If you don’t believe us, click on this CNNGo link to find out more. Thank goodness at least Monkey 1 is a teetotaller. If indeed there are fireworks, he can clear up the debris.

To be sure, whatever happens when the two sides bump into each other, it will be ‘big and nasty’.

Details will be spilled next week! Join us then.