You really have to feel for Steve Smith. It's not been the best of weeks for the Australian cricket captain.
Not only did his team go out with a whimper rather than anything remotely resembling a bang, but there was that whole DRS controversy before that. And despite having the highest number of runs by any player in either team over the course of this series, he's been getting nothing but flak from the Indian media, ex-players and a random but sizable assortment of Twitterati.
And to top it all off, there was the incident in which he was apparently cussing out Murali Vijay.
However, there's no clear evidence beyond cursory lipreading to indicate that he actually said anything of the sort. Let's explore some alternate theories that explain what Smith actually said. And you should know by now that when we, at FP Special Forces, say 'actually', we mean it. Except in those situations when we don't mean it. But those situations don't count. Focus on the ones when we do mean it.
And now, without further ado, here are those theories:
Theory the First) With only the solitary wicket remaining in the Australian second innings, coach Darren Lehmann had already begun planning for the Ashes that begins in November. And so, with one eye quite obviously on the rather underwhelming batting performance put up by the team, the coach asked the skipper what sort of batting lineup he wanted for the five-Test series against England. The visibly frustrated captain made it clear he didn't want a flashy lineup full of superstars or 'lusty hitters' (Ranjit Fernando, you have a lot to answer for!). All he wanted was a lineup that could be described as:
Theory the Second) Cricketers, as a collective, tend to be a superstitious lot. Mohinder Amarnath always carried a red handkerchief in his pocket and so did Steve Waugh. Zaheer Khan's colour of choice was yellow when it came to handkerchiefs. The list of various superstitions is too damn long, so let's leave it at that. A lot of players believe that moving from their seats during an innings will cause a wicket to fall. So you can imagine the chaos that must have erupted in the Australian dressing room when Smith went off for a little stroll. Upon being questioned why he was leaving his seat, a perspiring Smith indicated he needed to change and yelled out:
Third One) Maybe someone just asked him what his favourite Prodigy track was. Incensed that his teammate of so many years, couldn't remember this crucial detail, Smith may have angrily said:
Chautha Wala) It's a little-known — perhaps even entirely unknown — fact that Smith is secretly a massive fan of the Dragon Age games. And so, rather than resorting to venting his obvious irritation, at not being lent a laptop to continue his Dragon Age: Inquisition campaign, in English, Smith chose to let rip in chaste Qunlat, the language of the Qunari:
Last One) Or perhaps, some cheeky member of the backroom staff mocked Smith about his love for Priyanka Chopra films, which prompted the skipper to furiously shoot back:
Dissatisfied by these theories? Well, why don't you tell us what you think he said.