Thank you, Hrithik Roshan. You’ve given Indian men the licence to play victim

Let’s be honest — I’ve had it with all the femi-this, femi-that. Femina magazine and all is fine, but last I heard, even Nazis had become ‘femi’. In public, I have to support feminism, because otherwise today’s ‘modern’ girls won’t even talk to me. In private, I always wonder - equality and all is one thing, but what about my feelings, yaar? But finally, Hrithik Roshan has swooped in heroically (like the missing Krissh 2) and expressed my feelings in the best possible way. If you don’t agree that the biggest victims of feminism are nice guys like Hrithik and me, then you may get some brownie points with the ladies, but you’re a traitor to the Brother Hood. This iconic reality show has kept us thoroughly entertained for so long. This statement, that party, the tango in Paris, something about Hillary Clinton’s emails – we’ve seen it all on The Hrithik-Kangana Show so far; but the latest episode is the kind of genius that Netflix writers should take inspiration from, if they want to beat HBO at its own Game of Thrones. [caption id=“attachment_3346592” align=“alignnone” width=“825”]  Hrithik Roshan. Image from News 18.[/caption] Not the Supreme Court’s Aadhaar judgement, not 377, not even Yakub Memon; this is the case that has the whole nation riveted. I swear, the night before I watched Simran, I even had a dream where Hrithik and Kangana were resolving differences amicably over kulhad-waali chai - that’s how much the truth behind this case matters to me and my country. But behind the all-important issue of who is lying between Roshan and Ranaut (or whether it was the driver that did it yet again), there lies an even greater issue – the fact that everyone is already assuming that Kangana must be speaking the truth, just because she is a girl. I remember, this used to happen in school also. All the female teachers would always favour the Nehas over the Rahuls. (Except Phatale ma’am. I saw the way she used to look at some Rahuls, the ****.) That’s why I feel that in the days to come, Hrithik’s new Facebook post will turn out to be a significant document in the history of our culture. He speaks about the ‘model of the world where the girl is the victim and the man the aggressor’ and the ‘necessary social bias towards women that has deemed him helpless’. Uff – that eloquence apart, what an expo-yay by our kaabil superhero. In his modesty, he implies that the reason behind this new post is because he wants to protect ‘the collective consciousness of society’, or else ‘civilisation suffers’. But the truth is even greater. Not just Earth in 2017, but every single dimension and timeline that Rick, Morty and Chris Nolan visit, are affected by the plague that is feminism. I can’t even enjoy an all-boys whatsapp group for innocent lewd fun, without someone calling us perverts. So what if I like Arnab Goswami more than Faye D’Souza? So what if I buy only blue Kinder Eggs, never the pink ones? So what if I believe boys shouldn’t cry? The truth is that feminism makes boys like me cry, but no one sees our tears. (In the monsoon, I just let the rain wash my tears away. I learnt this technique from another beautiful Facebook post. What would we do without Facebook?) To be honest, I had completely given up hope. I had started lying blatantly to people – that I don’t like Mean Girls, but I love the HBO show Girls. I had to drop my plans to do an MBA, because I was worried people would call me sexist if I studied ‘man-agement’, instead of starting a Change.org petition to call it either womanagement or humanagement. But now, there is hope. Thank you, Hrithik Roshan, for holding up a mirror to society. Hopefully, I’ll now get a fair chance to beat women at the next game of victim cards.