Dhoom:3 review: Heists, bikes, Aamir, Katrina but no fun
Joy to the world, ye people, Dhoom: 3 has come.
Abhishek Bachchan and his leather jacket continue to share the same number of expressions they did nine years ago, when the Dhoom franchise was launched. Uday Chopra hasn't possibly watched any of his own films still, so is yet to retire. Aamir Khan's abdomen is not happy being his, it now wants to belong to Hrithik Roshan and hence tries to look like the latter's. Katrina Kaif's hotness remain unharmed, especially given that her face remains untouched by too many emotions.
And here is the cue to develop goosebumps from admiring Yashraj Films' gut.
They got these four together in what they call a film and asked you to pay up to Rs 900 to watch them in
3D IMAX. Okay, to be fair to them, they kept Katrina Kaif's wardrobe limited to sports bras, gymming shorts and leotards with so many gold chains that you'd think they are the swimsuit alter egos of Bappi Lahiri. But they also decided against requisitioning shirts for Aamir Khan, who by the way, seems to have stolen Tai Lung's expression from Kung Fu Panda. Well, through most parts of the film, he does look like this.
For those who haven't had the fortune of watching Kung Fu Panda, Aamir Khan in Dhoom:3 seems to have acquired all the expressions immortalised by Ajay-then-Devgan in Phool aur Kaante. And these are as delightful to watch as political posters in subways.
Now for the storyline of the film.
But before that a caveat. To watch Dhoom:3, you have to get rid of the expectations that are raised in most average human beings suffering from an illness called common sense. Once that is out of the way, Dhoom:3 is rather easy to stomach. It's easy to believe that Abhishekh Bachchan, who looks as fit and flexible as a pillow, can do a somersault in mid-air, punch a man and get back to his seat on a bike. It's also easy to believe that Uday Chopra has great degrees of self respect, yet he agrees to appear in Dhoom films.
Back to the storyline. The film has Aamir Khan playing Saahir Khan, a magician, in a circus imaginatively named the Great Indian Circus. He is out to avenge his father's death. The said magician-joker is the son of a character played by Jackie Shroff who killed himself when he failed to pay back a bank loan and lost almost all he had.
The villains are a bank called the Western Bank of Chicago, headed by a man who we think was chosen by Yashraj because he was the most expressionless foreigner. Now, how did Saahir Khan's father acquire a house the size of the White House while running an Indian Circus bang in the middle of Chicago is a question that should not be asked. Likewise, you shouldn't ask how after being orphaned and having his property confiscated, the son is able to return and avenge his father.
Given that Saahir with the said Roshan-like pecs wakes up in an all-glass apartment overlooking the sea, you either have to revise your understanding of the economic output of circuses, or just curse yourself for not having been born in Bollywood.
Back to the story.
So Saahir not only breaks vaults, leading to money showering down from the bank on the road below like confetti, he also welds 'teri aisi ki taisi' on the said locker room and leaves a pretty big, weird looking clown mask behind like all the other Dhoom thieves. Since, the last time any police force in the US were confronted with such a mindboggling phenomenon was when Godzilla splashed out of the Atlantic Ocean, they call the Mumbai Police to help them catch the thief.
Mumbai Police, by the way, is ACP Jai Dixit and his lackey Ali, who make as much noise as two newsroom debates put together. The Chicago Police now entrust them to find the thief. Now go and quietly pray that the Chicago Police never have the misfortune of watching Dhoom:3 which might lead the US to outlaw Indians altogether.
In fact, that might not be a the only legal hazard Dhoom:3 might incur. Consider the following exchange:
Cop: Tumhe kaise pata ki yeh chor Chup Chaap Charlie hai?
Thief: Kitne aise joker hai jo 'teri aisi ki taisi' bolte hai?
(After a while)
Thief (now feeling proud): Chup Chaap Charlie is a genius!
No, I didn't make this up. But had I been the makers of CID, I would have sued these guys for blatant copyright infringement!
Katrina Kaif in Dhoom:3 does what Ranbir Kapoor ads do to a viewer watching a Baba Ramdev interview. Okay, I'm a little biased towards the Kapoor boy.
But yeah, Katrina decked mostly in absurd pieces of leather and other kinds of fabric most human beings don't recognise, does great service to Dhoom:3. Add to that, actually moves her limbs in a way that represents dance pretty convincingly.
That is when she is not relegated to a place in the film that is very similar to the one that a stapler has in my workstation. Come to think of it, really hard, that could be the best decision the Dhoom:3 director ever took!