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Hollywood bowl: American Hustle, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and more

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For all those who haven’t heard of The Conjuring because you’ve been living under a rock, it’s not too bad an idea to continue staying there because that’s a good place to hide from the scariest movie to have hit theaters since Adam Sandler’s drag act in Jack and Jill.

In The Conjuring, two paranormal investigators (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) end up doing rather badly in their job of putting evil ghosts away by getting haunted themselves. The Conjuring is not the kind of movies that guys can take potential love interests to. Because while you may want to be heroic and protect the girl from the horror that unleashes on screen, you’d most probably be pissing your pants too, and apparently, that’s never a good idea on a date. In other words, watch the film with your support group, and whatever you do, do *not* switch off your lights that night.

The Smurfs 2 also released this week, and the only 2 words you need to know about the movie, in the language of The Smurfs, are: the movie is Smurfk all, where ‘Smu’ is silent. As for the Ryan Reynolds-Jeff Bridges starrer, RIPD, it may as well have stood for “Rest in Peace, Deadpool” because that’s probably what this movie is going to do to the reported Marvel Comics superhero adaptation, Deadpool, starring Reynolds

Basically, it’s the uncool version of Men in Black and while RIPD does have its share of laughs and action, it’s as fresh and exciting as your dinner leftovers from, er, 32 years ago. Let’s try and forget this film and hope that Reynolds somehow scripts the kind of underdog success story that only famous people know how to script, because he is awesome, and I’m biased.

Reynolds was the potential, erm, white Will Smith of Hollywood a few years ago. Starting out with the hilarious TV series, Two Guys and a Girl to massive hits inVan Wilder, Just Friends, Smokin’ Aces, Definitely Maybe and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, he was the dude who could do no wrong. He’d even managed to get THE Scarlett Johansson to marry him! And now, he’s the guy infamous for managing to get THE Scarlett Johansson to divorce him. And it was obviously all downhill from there (though Blake Lively, his current wife, isn’t all that bad, she’s no Scarlett Johannsson, ok?). From Green Lantern to The Change-Up to Safe House, it’s been one dud after the other and Reynolds’ latest, RIPD, was so outstandingly low on buzz even before it released that it is said that no one even liked director Robert Schwentke’s Facebook status message about the movie. But the universe is never known to be unkind to good looking, rich and famous people; so let’s keep faith!

Trailer roundup

Ben Stiller, who once directed Zoolander and almost caused the world to implode as a consequence, is coming out with the movie adaptation of James Thurber’s wistful short story, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. If the trailer is any hint, Stiller is destined to be known for the rest of his life as the guy who directed The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Watch it and be blown away. (The song’s called ‘Dirty Paws’ by Of Monsters and Men).

Courtesy: ibn live

Courtesy: ibn live

Another trailer that’ll make you realise how badly your life sucks, is David O Russell’s con film set in the awesome ’70s, American Hustle. Starring (take a deep breath) Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner and Robert De Niro, this is how the trailer of an upcoming Oscar-nominated film looks like.

Another trailer you may want to check out is Peter Berg’s adaptation of a US Navy SEAL’s bestselling book about a mission gone wrong in Afghanistan, called Lone Surivor. It stars Mark Wahlberg, Emilie Hirsch, Ben Foster and Taylor Kitsch, so you know, it’s not a bad idea. Except the fact that it stars Kitsch, who is always a terrible idea.

News roundup: By now, everyone already knows that Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel sequel is called Batman vs Superman, and will be about exactly that, because it’s now time to start eliminating Superheroes and restoring world balance. The hunt is on to cast the new, older Batman (because Christian Bale has decided to never wear spandex again) and Ryan Gosling, Joe Manganiello, Richard Armitage, Matthew Goode and Max Martini are in the mix. That is literally the most random variety of actors to play the same character, so here’s keeping fingers crossed that they don’t ultimately end up casting Katherine Heigl in the role. If I had to throw in a name of my own into the mix, because no one can stop me from doing it, I’d say Michael Fassbender would make for a badass Batman. Although honestly, I don’t even mind if they get George Clooney back for this role for him to wash his sins of Batman and Robin, as long as they give him an honourable death at the end of it.

If you had to put your bets on one of the six guys, who do you think it should be? I know girls would be inclined to say Ryan Gosling, but remember this: Batman’s face is hidden behind a mask all the time.

In other news: In pointless sequel of the week, there is also another Bourne film coming up, and apparently, in this one, Jeremy Renner’s Jason Bourne will be trying to find why they are making another Jason Bourne film and what pills can stop them from doing so. In the worst idea ever of the week, Universe is rebooting Scarface. Someone at that studio needs to ‘Say hello to Tony Montana’s little gun’. In news that makes no difference to our lives of the week, Lindsay Lohan’s Hollywood noir film, The Canyons, released in the US this week, and it apparently features her topless in every third scene, so umm, it would make some difference to some of our lives. The And in best casting of the week, Samuel ‘mothaf**a’ Jackson will be playing villain in Matthew ‘Kick-Ass’ Vaughn’s next adaptation of a Mark Millar’s comic, a spy thriller called The Secret Service, starring Michael Caine, Colin Firth and Taron ‘unknown actor’ Egerton, so, obviously, *cannot* wait for this one! Finally, in movie we wish releasing in India this week, James Ponsoldt’s coming-of-age dramedy, The Spectacular Now, starring the next Jennifer Lawrence also known as Shailene Woodley, released in the US, to outstanding reviews. Do watch Ponsoldt’s earlier beautiful, bittersweet dramedy, Smashed, to know why you should be excited about this one too!