by Tristan Stewart-Robertson Jul 22, 2013 12:45 IST
Is it any wonder the royal baby is taking so long to arrive?
Even hiding in the royal womb will not protect him or her from the bombardment of desperate British media hoping for a summer bounce in sales.
Over the weekend, there were baby specials in those papers, with photos and statistics of a century of previous babies, all while betting shops clean up on lost bets of the baby's arrival date.
William and Kate have experienced the cold lens of media obsession throughout their relationship, even more than the royals before them.
Kate's bump must surely be the most photographed and judged in history.
We all have an interest in celebrities at some point in life, whether for our favourite TV show, or our respective royal family as news figures as government figureheads.
But I increasingly find myself feeling sorry for the individuals who can't walk down the street or go on holiday without being photographed and blogged about. Thank goodness reporters are nobodies.
What possibility does the yet-to-be-born royal baby have for privacy?
Every outfit he or she wears will be scrutinised. His or her baby thighs will be judged for cellulite. He/she won't be able to just go out for a crawl down the street without cameras following in a mass hoard.
And then there's the name.
If it's a "safe" name such as James or Elizabeth - as according to some predictions - then the parents will be judged as being dull and not the "new" royals we apparently desire. If they go for something original like Kermit or Latifah, they'll be condemned for creating the future laughable King Kermit or Queen Latifah. (Though I defy anyone not to salute King Kermit.)
Regardless, a chunk of the media will judge the parents if they don't name the baby Diana after the former princess. . . probably even if it's a boy.
Do we reporters carry the blame for seeking out people who share the same name or birthdate as the new baby? Or do we blame the public for a supposed appetite for the most pointless of stories?
The royal baby will be third in line to the British and Commonwealth throne - he or she will be a major news figure in adulthood.
But its not even born yet.
Now is the perfect time to try to break our obsession with celebrity, or even just reduce it slightly.
Former British prime minister Gordon Brown managed to keep his children from the public eye until the day he walked away from Downing Street. We could surely settle for a few formal family photos of the new royal baby and then let them grow up in peace. Isn't that what you'd want for your own children?
People condemn the media for our obsessions but we can all switch off from such stories and demand our media outlets focus on other stories.
Heck, you could even debate the point of the monarchy if you wanted to be more productive.
We'll all be happy of two public figures have a happy and healthy baby.
But I've been bored of this story since the announcement and I'm not the baby. Please, have some pity for the child, and leave him/her alone.
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