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The Ideas Blog

Sandip Roy and Lakshmi Chaudhry are Firstpost editors. They take a wide angled view on society, popular culture and books, offering counter-intuitive views on a wide range of subjects. Chaudhry has worked and written for a number of publications both in the United States and India, including Salon, the Nation, Wired, Vogue, Elle and Open magazine. Roy is also a commentator for National Public Radio in the US, and has written for Huffington Post, New America Media, San Francisco Chronicle, India Abroad among others.

India's most desirable menage-a-trois: Simi, KJo and the pink elephant

By Sandip Roy

Simi wore a white top and Karan wore black but the elephant in the room was definitely pink. Karan Johar's appearance on Simi Garewal's syrup-fest India's Most Desirable has completely confused the media.

One headline says: Karan Johar clears Gay rumours on the chat show.

Another says: Karan Johar chooses to keep his personal life to himself.

And one, desperate for some tabloid juiciness, twists his words to read: I can't leave Salman for SRK.

Hello, hasn't anyone ever played Taboo? How do you say gay without ever saying gay? And those two celeb hosts showed that when it comes to classic parlour games, no one can beat them.

They were impeccable.

They didn't use any pronouns. At all.

They dropped in all the right code words. Softie. Flamboyant. Teased in school for being effeminate. Teacher's pet. Self-esteem problems.

These two celeb hosts showed that when it comes to classic parlour games, no one can beat them. Reuters/Ibnlive.com

Come on, just join the dots.

Simi: But wouldn't you like to give respect to who you are, your identity and come out and talk about it, because you are a role model, Karan.

KJo, all innocent: Talk about what?

Exactly. About what? The love that dares not says its name is still not saying it. But it's just winking it instead – in twinkling fairy lights. The point is, as soon as either of them says Gay, the game ends. The party's over.

But as long as you don’t say the G-word, you can talk about everything.

Sex (or as we say it here, "men have needs")

SG: But physiologically one needs a relationship.

KJo: I know and my release is fortunately cinema, it's not in my bedroom.

Umm, thanks, KJo, now I'll always think of K3G as Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Kum.

Hookups

KJo: You think I am up to tricks when I travel?

SG: I think you have your relationships abroad.

KJo: You think I have my relationships abroad? Ok, so should I give you a straight face?

SG: Hainaa? I think this Gemini twin that you talk about. One twin is abroad and one is here...

I am impressed. I didn't know the Woman in White  even knew about passport princesses, the kind that are closeted at home, or at least asexual mama's boys. But when they go to New York and Amsterdam, they party like there's no tomorrow in gay clubs and get spanked in leather bars.

Sexual Roles

KJo: I'm friendly with one of the most powerful people in the industry but I am, definitely am, subservient in that relationship.

And then just in case you didn't get it.

I definitely take a back seat. That's how I make it work.

I really don’t think you can top that on primetime television.

Love

KJo: There have been a lot of one-sided love stories in my life. I have seen more heart breaks than heart make...I have invariably been in love when I haven't had the same reciprocated emotion at all.

From what KJo revealed, you could, if you were interested, make up an entire personal ad for him. Under the obligatory title – "My personal life is personal."

We learned about his age ("I am going to be 40 next year"), his checkered past ("I don't claim to have led a saintly life"), his turn on ("subservient" to "powerful" people), his living situation ("coming home to an empty house"), his grooming habits ( he shaves his chest), how you can make a special evening for him ("Parsi food" and Hindi film music, "I can't bear the sound of English music"). Then he even drew a little picture to go with the ad – of a stick figure, with a little belly and a cup of coffee. Or as Simi so charmingly put it "Karan nanga."

After all that if you still didn't get it, KJo entered the Dumb Charades portion of Parlour Games with Aunty Simi and shook his hips to Sheila ki Jawaani and Munni badnaam hui. Really. Not Rinka Dinka, but item numbers.

Boys and girls, isn't it fun — the fun and games never ends. As long as we don't ever say Gay.  Then the spell will be broken, Simi's face lift will sag, and the fairy tale will grind to a screeching halt.

And where would be the fabulousness in that?