Are you anti-corruption? Do you steal office stationery?

I bumped into an ex-colleague, at a café, a few days ago. After the initial greetings were dispensed with, whereby I matched his superficial exuberance at meeting me, with some incredibly warm and shallow exuberance of my own, we settled down in the al-fresco section, awaiting our respective poisons. With Anna and Co. firmly in the driver’s seat, the intellectual elite opportunistically transmogrifying their intelligent, non-conformist and sometimes gloriously irrelevant viewpoints (is there a cure for reflexive urges to disagree?) it was only a matter of time before the talk turned to corruption. I settled back into the chair after fiddling around with the wobbly table and fired my opening salvo. No wobbles there. Ramrod straight and deadly accurate. Banter, nevertheless. “So then, how many pink post-it pads have you whacked from office these last few months?”, I said, half in jest, and the other half in…well, jest. “If folks like you stop stealing post-its, the CFO will have no other choice but to allow the benefits of your new found morality, to flow through to the bottom-line. Which is taxable. And hence, revenue in the government’s hand to explore avenues of non-jobless growth….”. [caption id=“attachment_72300” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“image from allproducts.com”]  [/caption]“What nonsense!" he cried. “It is a drop in the ocean. How much does a post-it cost, by the way? ”. He was warming up now. I promptly took a paper-napkin, scribbled some assumptions, numbers and calculations there, before finally circling the final figure, which had a lot of zeroes in it. Well, not nearly enough as the “notional” loss on the 2G scam, but an impressive array nevertheless. “But we work hard, add to India’s GDP growth, handle complex businesses and even more complex employees (he forgot dysfunctional bosses)…and these are little perks of the job. At worst, it may be stealing, but this is technically not corruption”, was the logic now. Whoosh! My idealistic rambling had been soundly thumped on its head by some rational, self-serving, day-to-day practicality. “Ok, it is technically not corruption”, I muttered under my breath. And then I pushed some more. “Just like faking medical bills. Just like the selection of a non-competitive vendor by an unscrupulous CEO somewhere, in return for some consideration. Just like a CFO cooking books while the somnolent Board (Independent Directors et al) ….well ….what else, sleeps! Just like ICICI Venture misrepresenting facts before they sold their stake in Subhiksha to Premji Invest. Caveat Emptor? Just like inflating the figures in the column marked “distance” on the conveyance claim form. Just like putting that fancy dinner with friends, at Leela, on the expense tab at office. Just like engaging slimy fixers to change government policies to suit your business interests? Technically, not corruption? ” He was frazzled by now, that much I could see. I paid silent obeisance to my anna-logies, and waited for him to roll over and die. Figuratively speaking . But tough nut that he is, he made another valiant attempt. “But everyone does it, and then you must also realize, the money that they save (save? SAVE?? S.A.V.E???) is used on private consumption. And there are levies and taxes on whatever we purchase anyway. So it goes back to the government!” I gave up just about then. And when the bill arrived I made an attempt to reach for my wallet in practiced slow motion – and graciously allowed him to pay for my cappuccino. From his “savings”. It is all around us. Corruption. Subterranean or conspicuous. From the person who builds a house in gross violation of FSI and Set Back norms (can it be done without greasing a few palms?) , the person who “saves” a few thousand on registration charges on a new apartment (ahem…let me not spell out the details of this trick in print) ,the desperate passport seeker slipping a five hundred rupee note (sometimes, unsolicited) to the cops during police verification, to the Johnny (or Sheila) who thinks it is ok to “collect” all the unclaimed notepads, Reynold pens and HB pencils at the end of some horrendously non-productive off-site “Employee Productivity Enhancement” Workshop! Corruption is now being neatly sliced and diced into multiple little categories. Before being justified, rationalized and institutionalized with the aid of some cutting-edge irrefutable self-righteousness. Anna, I am realizing rather uncomfortably (my conscience boggles, as I write this) , is not a person. He is a mindset. A little child. Once the dust settles down, is it our loss of innocence that we will start worrying about? I fervently hope so. Innocence sees things for what they are….calls them by the names they ought to be called by. Try explaining fundamental corruption versus technical corruption to the next 6 year old child you meet. The 39 year old corporate top-dog , who graciously paid for my cappuccino, has put some doubts in my mind now. Which only a 6 year old can clarify……hopefully, the 6 year old will also teach me how not to paint all politicians with the same vicious brush-strokes, by explaining how good uncle/auntie is different from bad uncle/auntie. Lesson 101…time we went back to school, I think. I don’t know about you, but I prefer the ones where they used to, occasionally, deploy the cane on us. The lessons lasted longer than the scars on our palms and thighs….